


Summer I was 18

by chai8addict (stillostome)



Series: First Love Story [2]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Awkward Changmin, Drinking, First Time, Growing Up, M/M, Min gets hurt, Slice of Life, Stalker Couple, Teen Romance, but its his own fault, insecure Changmin, not really sure what to put in these tags, will most likely write in new ones as time goes on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:57:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3314894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillostome/pseuds/chai8addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yunho talked to Changmin for the first time in June. Changmin believes he's in love, but doesn't even hope that Yunho is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. June

The clock was ticking down. Every fifteen minutes that passed, the teacher marked the new time on the board. It was at those times you immediately knew who was done, who was panicking, and who had given up. 

 

I was in the first category. It had only taken me about thirty minutes to finish that pathetic excuse of a final. It didn’t help that it was my last one in high school. I was ready to graduate and get the hell out of this place.

 

In three months I’ll be packing up and heading off across country. Starting my first year at Seoul National University, the most prestigious school in all Korea. I couldn’t wait.

 

Unfortunately I have three months of nothing to do. Kyuhyun’s family is spending the summer in China at one of his father’s schools. Both my sisters won’t be home; one is taking this summer internship in Japan. The other sister is spending it with our grandparents out in Busan. My parents will be working the rest of June. Then for most of July and the beginning of August they’re going on a second honeymoon trusting the house to me.

 

So I have nothing to do and no one to hang out with. Well, almost no one.

 

It has been five days since my neighbor began ‘talking’ to me. If you call writing in huge letters on a notebook talking. After about fifteen minutes of that madness, I cowardly wrote good night and shut the blinds so fast I nearly started a fire with the strings.

 

I stayed awake the rest of the night praying that I hadn’t freaked him out, or scared him away. I had been panicking so much that I missed all four of my alarms, nearly making me late for school. Which I spent, not worrying about my finals, but thinking about my neighbor whose name I finally knew. Jung Yunho.

 

All my freaking out had been for not.

 

When I came home, Yunho was playing basketball in the driveway. Yet upon seeing me he grabbed the ball and headed in my direction. I glanced at the front door of my house, wondering if I could make it if I sprinted. Right when I was about to make a break for it, he was right in front of me with a huge smile on his face.

 

“Hey Changmin. Sorry if I freaked you out last night, but I wanted to get your attention.” It took me a few moments to process what he was saying as I was too busy staring at his face. He was a lot more handsome up close and not distorted like he was through the window. Wow, that sounded so stalker-ish I couldn’t make it sound even kind of normal. At least I know one thing for sure…my crush on him hasn’t gone away in the least.

 

“Get my attention…” Then everything he said hit me. “How do you know my name?” I hadn’t told it to him last night, even though he had told me his.

 

He had the decency to look a little ashamed. “Well your parents are going on a trip in July right?” He quickly continued upon me taking a step back. “Mine are going away too, and they want us to keep an eye on each other, just to make sure nothing happens.”

 

“So you contacted me last night to say that you’re going to be my babysitter?” Fan-fucking-tastic. Well at least it wasn’t to call me out for being a complete creep slash perv for the last some odd years. Small blessings. “I don’t need a babysitter. I’m eighteen, I can take care of myself.” I winced as that came out of my mouth. It made me sound twelve.

 

“No, I’m not saying you need one.” Yunho was frantically waving his hands back and forth as through it would help in denying. I’m going to pretend I saw a flash in his eyes when I mentioned I was eighteen because I can, and I am technically legal now. “Hell that would like saying I need one, and I’m twenty-one. No what our parents want is just for us to keep an eye out. You know, kinda like I haven’t seen any movement in the house for a few days so I head over to make sure you’re still alive. That kind of thing. But I just thought it would be easier if we hang out with each other, because I suck at remembering things and I will most likely end up heading over every day, so why not just hang out? I know you’re going to SNU this fall and maybe I can give you some pointers. Not on academics though, you could probably talk circles around me. No I’m talking more about the social aspect. Can’t help much on dorm life as I never went through it but a lot of my friends did…”

 

When he finally paused to take a breath, I saw my chance to speak. “How do you know about SNU?”

 

“Ahh…” Now he really looked embarrassed. “My sister, Jihye, is in some of your classes and she was talking about how you were the only person in the school to get in. On a scholarship no less. She said that the teachers wouldn’t shut up about you and how she found it annoying how it was all ‘Changmin-ssi this’ and ‘Changmin-ssi that’ which is how I also got your name.” He mumbled that last part. I was struck with a small surge of annoyance. I mean how unfair is it that he got to ask for my name but I couldn’t. Sure they live together but still…

 

“Anyway, I know you have finals this week so I’ll let you go study. Oh right, give me your phone number so I can call you up later. Also it won’t hurt if you need help with anything, sure I’m not as smart as you but I’m still pretty damn smart.” He continued on, pulling out his phone.

 

“You never stop talking do you?” My hand clamped over my mouth when I realized I had said that aloud. I could feel my ears turning red with embarrassment. Yunho looked at me with shocked eyes before he burst out in the laughter that I loved so much. The root of my obsession and I just let myself get lost in hearing it.

 

The sharp chime of the bell signaling that I was done with my high school career, pulled me out of my trip down memory lane. Packing up my stuff, I recalled that after we had exchanged numbers, he had been texting me random things. From “Eat bananas there good for the brain!^^” to things like, “Did you know that slugs bite off the another’s penis during reproduction so they don’t have to be the mom? O_o” 

 

Those texts that made me realize Yunho likes watching Animal Planet and Discovery Channel. When I confronted him about it, all he said was that he was bored and that it was no fun watching sports alone. His friends were all working that summer, leaving him all alone.

 

It was also in the texts that I found out why he had contacted me the way he did. One of his friends is studying abroad in America, and sent him an MV of some singer who had used the same method. Yunho thought the idea seemed pretty cool. I had replied that while it seemed cool on TV in reality it had scared the shit out of me when I heard the rocks he had thrown hitting the window to get my attention.

 

“We are done with high school!” Kyuhyun pounced on me from behind, bouncing up and down like the kindergartener he is.

 

“Yes, yes we are almost done.” I reminded him, “After graduation then we are officially done. But instead of spending our last summer before we split ways heading to off to different colleges you are going on a freaking family trip and leaving me to rot.”

 

“Sorry, sorry.” Kyuhyun moved in front of me with his hands pressed together and his head bowed. I tried to keep up my disinterested face. But when Kyu looked up at me with a small pout I couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“It’s OK.” I commented, ruffling his hair destroying the style that Kyuhyun had tried out. “I’ll be spending the summer staring at my neighbor like always. But at least this time, it will be up close and personal.”

 

Kyuhyun’s look of utter shock reminded me that I hadn’t told him about my meeting. Yet that’s what he gets when he spends every day and night chasing after his tutor. Walking out of the classroom listening to him yelling out behind me to explain almost made me want to miss high school. Almost.

 

That night Kyuhyun and I went out to dinner. A bunch of our dongseangs who I would consider friends by association, came along. Most of them I only knew through Kyu, who though may seem like an ass most of the time is actually a pretty social person. But it wasn’t too bad. Hey, free food.

 

The next day was graduation practice, because apparently some people are incapable of walking across a stage. Then it was the actual thing at night since no one has a life.

 

If you expect me to share this momentous occasion then prepare to be disappointed. It was one to the most boring-est things I have ever been forced to go to. That includes the time my mom dragged me to see the Korean opera with her. I actually zoned out some time during the second speech (out of six). It was only when the names began being called that I snapped back into attention. Which was only because the cheers were deafening.

 

Honestly it was funny. Most of the names I had never heard of, yet the cheers never stopped. I wondered if the school had hired actors to cheer for every name. Like back in Victorian England you could hire professional mourners for a funeral and it would seem like they were important, when everyone in the society actually hated them. Just another tidbit I learned from Yunho.

 

When they announced my name, I looked out to the crowd and seeing Jihye cheer for me. Hell most of the student body was cheering for me. But it was Jihye that caught my attention. I haven’t shared more than a handful of words with her, why would she cheer for me? Since no one has the right to judge me for thinking this, I’m just going to say it’s because she knows that Yunho has a crush on me. Ah the imagination of teenagers is a beautiful thing.

 

But as for the rest of the student population…

 

“Suck ups,” I muttered under my breath. They had ignored me all high school and now they cheer for me? They just want to say that they knew me back in high school once I get somewhere. Cause I am going somewhere with my SNU degree make no doubt about that. I was ready to just flip them off, not caring that my parents were in the crowd. But then I heard my name being called out. Instinctively I turned to see Yunho standing by his parents waving at me.

 

I don’t remember walking back to my seat, but soon Kyuhyun was back in his seat next to me.

 

“You okay? You’re bright red…” he whispered poking my burning cheeks. I swatted his hand away.

Without meaning to I glanced back to where Yunho was sitting. Kyuhyun, being the nosy friend that he was, followed my gaze and let out an “Ahh” of understanding.

 

“So your crush is still in full force, huh. At least you know his name.” I had broken down during graduation practice and told him everything that had happened in the last few days. He wasn’t too happy that I’ll be seeing him for most of the summer. Yet he was hoping that my crush will disappear once I spend some time with him. That was my end goal as well. Just the way to get there is going to be a lot different than what Kyuhyun is expecting.

 

“By the end of summer, I plan to know more than that.” I whispered back careful not to let anyone else overhear.

 

Kyuhyun looked at me with shocked eyes. “What are you planning?”

 

Smiling at him with more confidence than I felt, I shook my head. Knowing him, if I told him what I was planning on doing he would warn me to stop before my heart was broken. Hell, he might even suggest staying back this summer, or at least cutting their vacation short.

 

But there was no way I was going to college without having at least tried to make Yunho mine. It didn’t matter if to him it was just a summer fling. I wanted him, even if it was just for the summer.

 

I’m only 18 once.

 

*

 

Two days after my stunning confession to myself and Kyuhyun. I had ultimately done nothing. It's not like I can go from quiet nerdy guy to someone worth drooling over in a matter of days. But the thing is that I've never tried to get someone to notice me.

 

So here I am sitting in a book store abusing their free wifi trying not to feel sorry for myself. Kyuhyun left the country early this morning and my youngest sister is leaving in a few days for Japan. Which is why I'm not at home. My parents are hovering over her, making sure she has everything she needs, that she won't get home sick. All that crap. I had to escape before I was dragged into their circle of worry. My other sister had the right idea, disappearing as soon as the sun goes up.

 

As I was debating about whether people would notice if I went on to Tumblr, an iced American appeared right before my eyes obstructing my view of the screen. In an almost comical fashion I tilted my head back following the arm that was connected to the hand that held the nectar of the gods.

 

Yunho stood behind me with laughing eyes, his mouth stretched in a wide smile. I could feel my face heating up and I knew that my ears were bright red. My neck snapped back so fast the momentum of the movement made me bonk my head against the ice beverage.

 

Luckily he had a tight enough grip on it so that it didn't go flying all over my laptop. As he spewed apologies, he set the coffee down on the table. Well out of my immediate range then sat next to me at my small table.

 

"Yunho-ssi, what are you doing here?" I asked reaching for the coffee. Yunho grabbed it before I could and moved it even farther away.

 

"It's hyung, not ssi." Yunho reprimanded me. I could just feel myself getting redder. But this was only the second time I had actually talked to him in person. It felt like he just got more handsome as time wore on.

 

"Hyung," I whispered, loving how he light up at that simple word. "Why are you here?"

 

"I work here. When I came on to my shift I saw you sitting here and decided to get you something to drink on my break." He said this as though there wasn't a care in the world. It suddenly made sense why Kyuhyun recommended the place to me.

 

"And you knew to get iced American…". Letting to question finish itself, I watched Yunho's facial reaction. Is it just my imagination or did he just turn a slight shade of pink.

 

"I'm friends with the barista, I just asked what you ordered. You leave quite an impression on people." As I recall the person behind the café was female, and that just left a sour taste in my mouth.

 

"I know I leave an impression…It's because I look weird." I'm too tall, too skinny, my eyes and ears are too big. I've heard it all. Most of the time it just rolls off me, but sometimes it just hits all the harder. This is one of those times.

 

"Who told you that?" Yunho demanded, his eyes scanning my face for any sign. "I meant that people are often left admiring your beauty."

 

"I'm not." It was a small denial, because Jung Yunho just called me beautiful. Sure it was probably said to just get his point across, still he called me beautiful. Though I would have much preferred being called handsome, oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers.

 

"You are," Yunho assured. "Not just your looks, which make you look like you just stepped out of a magazine. But your presence and the way you walk, all command people to look at you."

 

"You're wrong," I said shaking my head. While it is nice hearing that I look like a model, I know it’s not true. "I'm not like you."

 

"You're right, you're not." Yunho said nodding his head, a small knife jabbed at my heart. "I have to smile, talk, anything to get people to notice me. Otherwise I'm just another handsome face in the crowd, a dime a dozen. But you, all you have to do is walk in a room and all eyes will be on you." Yunho gestured around the sparse bookstore. "I take it you hadn't noticed. But every single person has been staring at you since they came in."

 

Confused, I followed his gaze around the store, shocked when I saw one girl quickly look away. It wasn't the whole store but it sure made me feel good. Not wanting to say anything to Yunho, I grabbed the coffee before he could take it away again. I mumbled my thanks through the straw trying to hide my blush with my hair.

 

"Cute," I heard Yunho say not even bothering to whisper. It only caused my red face to grow even hotter. "Say," Yunho continued after giving me a few minutes to calm down. "I get off work in an hour, how about I treat you to some dinner? My graduation present for you."

 

It only took me three seconds to agree.

 

 

*

 

The dinner was to say in a nutshell, amazing.

 

Yunho took me to a simple restaurant that’s known for having larger servings at cheap prices. I wanted to ask if he took all his dates to places like this, but I refrained. Technically, this was not a date. Well not to him, in my mind it was.

 

Of course it started out horrible when I couldn't even form a single sentence. I'm not, and will never claim to be, a people person. I much rather prefer to watch people from afar and try to figure out their lives.

 

But Yunho, dear god Yunho.

 

Is it even possible to fall in love, or lust, even further?

 

He let forth a constant stream of conversation. He only stopped talking once, and that was when I needed to order. After twenty minutes I realized that I was replying back to him and actually laughing at the lame jokes he gave.

 

We ended up staying there for three hours, just talking. Yunho asked about my different classes that I took in high school. What I was planning on taking in college. He asked about my friends, to which I embarrassing replied that I only had Kyuhyun.

 

Instead of mocking me for my lack of friends, or pitying me for being a loner, Yunho merely smiled. "He must mean a lot to you. Having a lot of friends isn't for everyone. God knows that if I could, I would much prefer having a few close friends rather than a bunch of people I barely know."

 

That led the conversation into another direction about his friends. But when I tried to ask him about what he did in his alone time, his face turned slightly pink and waved off the question.

 

_He probably watches porn like a normal guy, he probably even masturbates to it…_  Dirty thoughts be gone.  _I wonder how good he is in bed? Is he gentle or rough?_ I almost felt like slamming my head into the table just to get away from my perverted thoughts...at least until I got to the safety of my room.

 

We hung out at the restaurant for so long, the wait staff actually came and asked us to leave.

 

Once we had reached our houses, Yunho turned to me, "We should do this again sometime."

 

He phrased it as a question, merely a suggestion but not expecting an answer. So I gave him one. "We should. As long as you keep paying cause you have a job and I don't."

 

He laughed at that. I could still hear him laughing as I retreated into my house. Later that night I remembered his laugh, his refusal to talk to me, and allowed myself to dream.

 

That dinner turned into a lunch, which later transformed in coffee and a movie. It felt as though he was going out of his way to spend time with me. Once when I heard his phone go off all he did was take it out and place it on silent before turning all his attention to me.

 

The times I had to slap myself to avoid reading too much into the situation was causing serious damage to my brain cells. It was nice to dream though. Dream that Yunho actually liked me, more than a friend, and that he just didn't know how to show it. Or that he was showing it, and I was just being unromantic and not picking it up.

 

Almost two weeks into my summer vacation, Yunho and I were going planning to hang out for most of the day. Starting off at the bookstore where he worked part time. Then heading off for some food, before finally heading to his house to play some Call of Duty.

 

It all went according to plan. But after a game my mouth decided that it didn't like me being content.

 

"Why did you turn red when I mentioned what you did in your free time?" I asked, curled up on the easy chair facing the screen. Yunho was behind me gathering up some more food, the rustling of various packaging stopped when I finished speaking. "It can't be that bad, right?"

 

"No its not," Yunho said collapsing on the sofa to my right. "Just not something that I've shared before. I think, no I'm positive that people will judge me when they find out. That you will judge me, and honestly I can't deal with that right now."

 

Shifting through my memories, I couldn't see anything from the time I started watching Yunho till now that would make him so self-conscious. Yes, I am well aware of how creepy I sound so please don't comment.

 

"How about you tell me and I'll tell you what I like to do in my spare time?" I bargained, not knowing why I wanted to know, just needed the answer.

 

Yunho raised an eyebrow, "I already know what you do. StarCraft and various other video games."

 

"I may have lied about that…" Will I actually tell him that my favorite pass time until a few months ago was watching him through my window, probably not. Unless his is equally as stalkerish then there isn't a chance in hell that I'll tell him. Most likely.

 

"Fine," he said after a few minutes, crossing his arms over his chest. It hit me that Yunho was much older than me, since this was the first time he ever acted his age. "You tell me yours first, and if I deem it good enough then I'll tell you mine."

 

Ignoring the rush of heat I got from him taking control of the situation, I tried to figure out exactly what I should tell him. Do I tell him the truth and possibly ruin my only chance at even just being his friend? Or do I figure out some sort of lie that could blow up in my face?

 

"Min-ah," Yunho said, drawing my attention back to him. "I expect the truth, don't go lying just so that I'll tell you mine."

 

Something told me that if I lie, or just affirm to him about the whole video games thing was true, I would create a line between us. One that neither he nor I could ever cross. I would remain just a dongsang, nothing more, not even a friend. No matter how much I want him, his friendship is worth a hell of a lot more right now.

 

"I used to watch you…" I began quietly, not even looking at his face but rather the controller in my hands. "I liked watching you dance. You would seem so free when you moved and...honestly I hated you for it. I've never felt that free ever. There are always restriction that I placed to keep me in line, things that keep me second guessing myself. My only real chance to be free was in watching you…in liking you."

 

My knuckles turned white from gripping the controller so hard, waiting for the rejection that would no doubt follow. But minutes passed in total silence. Feeling fed up with the whole thing, because Yunho is just too nice to kick me out, I stood up and made a move to leave.

 

Yet I was held back.

 

Before I even left the living room, Yunho's arms wrapped around me keeping me in place. It would have been a scene straight out of a romance movie, if Yunho hadn't been trying so hard to keep in his laughter.

 

"Yah!" I struggled to get out of his embrace, wanting to nothing more than to punch the stupid hyung in the face. "Jung Yunho are you laughing at me!?"

 

His arms merely tightened against my struggling. "Nope, not laughing at you." His voice was lighter than I had ever heard it before. The joy in it made me want to laugh as well.

 

Fighting hard to keep up my angry tone, "Then what the fuck are you laughing at?"

 

"Me, Min-ah. I'm laughing at myself." Apparently that sentence caused him to lose the fight, and he let out a loud bark of joyous laughter. "God to think that I could have been doing this for years…"

 

I never got a chance to ask what it was he was talking about. Yunho spun me around in his arms, and before I could make a sound he kissed me.

 

Jung Yunho just kissed me.

 

For those who don't understand the significance of this, I'll repeat it for you. Jung. Yunho. Kissed. Me.

 

Before I lost my head completely and actually asked him to fuck me, I pulled back from him. My hands clenched into fists, the joke had gone on for too long. Pulling back my fist, ready to swing at any time I looked a joyful Yunho in the eyes. "Explain right now before your parents will have to get you a nose job to fix the damage I caused."

 

"I will, now just calm down." Reluctantly I lowered my arms and waited for another opportunity to punch him. "It's only fair that since you told me what you did, that I'll share. You see about four years ago, I got new neighbors. The day they moved in I was goofing off in my room. When I looked out my window there was a boy watching me through his window. He had such a blissful expression on his face, I couldn't even be mad that he was spying on me."

 

I winced at the description, but couldn't contradict it. I had been spying. I’m going to just assume that this is me, because how many other neighbors did this guy get with teenage boys that like the stare at people.

 

"Over the next few months I kept watching him. When he got home he would go straight to his desk and study. His face would scrunch up when he couldn't get a problem right, and he would do a little dance when he got one right. Sometimes he would get the same blissful, carefree expression that I first saw him with. I made up a game to imagine what he was thinking about at those times. It was the only thing that kept me sane during my final years at high school and my first years at college. I would have a crappy day, come home wanting to kill something then see this boy staring out his window and all my anger would disappear.

 

"Then one day his window was closed, the blinds drawn. For weeks the window remained closed. I went crazy trying to find out what happened to him to the point where I pushed all my friends away. I nearly drove Jihye crazy trying to figure out what happened to you." Yunho looked at me then, confusion in his eyes.

 

"Why did you close the window? For years no matter how cold it was outside the window would be open." Then he said in a small voice, "Did I do something?"

 

"That's the real reason you talked to me that night isn't it?" I asked ignoring the question.

 

"Yes, it was the first time you've opened it in so long. I didn't want to come back the next night and find it closed. Though I will admit that everything else is true. Both our parents are going away, and it is just going to be us in our respective houses."

 

We fell silent once more, but it was a comfortable silence. Everything that Yunho said came back to me. How is it that in all the times I had been watching him I had never noticed him watching me? The weight of that sentence hit me rather hard and I burst out in laughter.

 

"Man we make quite a pair. Damn I can hear Kyuhyun now, 'the stalker couple' so horrible at it that they fail to realize that the object they’re watching is stalking them in return. It sounds like some corny shoujo anime."

 

Yunho joined me in laughing. "Couple, huh?"

 

That cut off my laughter immediately. "I didn't me-"

 

"I like it," Yunho placed his finger over my mouth to stop me from talking. "How about it Changmin-ah? Want to be my boyfriend?"

 

 


	2. July

"How about it Changmin-ah? Want to be my boyfriend?" Yunho had this smile on his face, gentle yet reserved. Like he thought I would reject him if given half a chance.

 

Do I want to be his boyfriend? Hell yes.

 

I've wanted him in my bed for a year now, crushing on him for even longer. But it isn't a matter of what I want. What if Yunho's only offering because I what I had said before? Or he is like one of those bad guys you read about in novels that date to fuck then leave?

 

Okay, that is a little harsh but still. What about that girly guy I watched him … with all those months ago, what happened to him?

 

Even then, I'm leaving at the end of August. If we do start dating and I fall in love, what happens when I leave and he doesn't want to continue? What if while I'm off in college he finds someone else?

 

What if…

 

"Changmin?" Yunho's voice broke through my thoughts, stopping the endless stream of what if's. Looking up, I saw him staring at me with concerned eyes. "If you don't want to, I understand. I mean I am older than you and…"

 

Him being older than me is not an issue at all. In fact it’s part of the reason I want him with as much intensity that I do. He's older, more experienced, not at all like those cocky idiots in my class.

 

Yunho was still rambling about all the (imaginary) reasons that I wouldn't want to be his boyfriend and I just wanted to shut him up. Luckily for me, Yunho had taught me a useful method just minutes before.

 

Gathering my courage, I closed the distance between us. Grabbing his face in my hands and kissed him. I could feel him moan the moment our lips connected, and I didn't even bother to suppress the shiver that ran down my spine at the sound. As my hands left his face to connect behind his head, the rear of my mind commented on how easy it was to kiss him since we were about the same height. Yunho moved so that his hands could tilt my head back, deepening the kiss. When he asked for permission to enter my mouth, with his tongue tracing the seam of my lips, I granted it immediately.

 

He hesitated for just a second, before entering using his tongue to explore my mouth, memorizing it until it was known as well as his own. Tentatively, I reached out with my own to meet his tongue, which he replied to with enthusiasm.

 

All too soon I was forced to pull away, or else die from lack of oxygen.

 

Taking deep gulps of air that wasn't as sweet as Yunho's mouth, yeah that was cheesy don't judge, I looked over at him. Yunho was breathing just as hard as I was. His hair was sticking up in random directions since I had run my hands through it at one point. His lips were swollen and red. This could be what has been described as thoroughly kissed.

 

He was watching me with clouded eyes and there was something hard against my thigh. I'm not going to lie, but I feel damn proud that I was the one who made him like that. Me! The virgin who’s never gotten any farther than a simple kiss.

 

"Alright," Yunho said after a few minutes, "now what the fuck did that mean? Was it a sorry kiss or yes I would love to date you kiss?"

 

Raising my eyebrow at him, I couldn't help but smile. "If that's how I reject everyone who ask me out, you're going to have a problem on your hands aren't you? Your boyfriend kissing a bunch of random guys like that."

 

Yunho let out a joyous laugh at that and leaned over to kiss me again. It was gentle, and nothing like the one I had initiated, but it was fine. I needed to talk to him anyway.

 

"You do know that I'm only here for the summer before I go off to school." I said looking down, not wanting to meet his eyes. "That's why I hesitated before."

 

His smile seemed to dim a little, but the joy never left his face. “It’s fine, we’ll figure out what do when we hit that road block.” His hand reached out ran its fingers through my hair. Like a cat, I arched up into the simple touch loving how his eyes darkened as he watched me. “For now let’s just focus on the moment and not think about fall.” Yunho made a pained face, “Let’s really not focus on fall. I have no desire to go back to school.”

 

“It’s your final year though? Aren’t you excited to be finished?” I asked, not moving an inch from his side. If he wanted me gone, he can move me himself. Judging by the way he hasn’t stepped back, I would say he feels the same way.

 

“Final year means I’ll have to face real life soon.” Yunho complained sighing. “It means that I’ll have to get a real job, not working at a bookstore part time. It means bills, insurance and all that shit my parents always complain about. So no, I’m not excited.”

 

I wanted to reach up and sooth away all the stress lines on his face with my finger replacing them with laughter once more. Unfortunately I used up my courage to kiss him. So I contented myself with tracing them with my eyes, memorizing every curve and bend.

 

For someone who claims to know nothing about romance, I seem to be pretty decent at it.

 

Romance…shit.

 

“Is this…” I began hesitating. “Is this going to change anything between us?” I’m not good at the dating crap. And I hope that Yunho doesn’t expect too much until I can learn at least the motions of being sweet.

 

“I’ll still buy you food if that’s what you mean.” Yunho said laughing, not getting what I’m worried about.

 

“No, I mean…” What do I mean? How can I phrase it that I like how things are between us. I don’t want that to change other us kissing each other. And eventually fucking each other, but baby steps.

 

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Yunho whispered into my ear, quietly laughing when his low voice made me shiver. “I’ve seen every last one of our little hangouts as dates.” Translation: nothing is going to change.

 

And nothing did change.

 

Except for the fact that most of our days were spent in either Yunho’s or my house. There wasn’t a lot of video game playing, movie watching, or food eating. But there was tons of making out. Seriously, it felt like every time we were in each other’s presence, not in a public place, we would be kissing like no tomorrow.

 

We planned to watch movies or play games. Yet the moment the movie would start playing or the menu screen for the game came on, neither one of us would be paying any attention to it.

 

About a week after we became “official”, God that word makes me cringe but I can’t use the ‘going out’ euphemism because we haven’t ever left the house. Yunho came over so I could introduce to him the Lord of the Rings movie, the extended version. Honestly though, I think the only reason he was so excited about it was because if the original movie was over two hours long, the extended would provide even more time to just kiss me. Not that I was complaining, not one bit.

 

Setting the movie up, I heard Yunho slip in behind me just off of his job. Both our parents had left on their respective trips the day before so it was just us. Now the more, let’s call it adventurous side of me (Kyuhyun calls it the porn star side but whatever), is telling me that I should try and take our little relationship up the next level. Not sex, cause no matter how much I want it, so not ready for that. But the parents are gone, it would be the perfect time to try something, even if it turns out to be a mere (HA, nothing involving Yunho would be mere) hand job.

 

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Yunho curled his arms around me, lips tracing my ear. Since that day, we discovered quickly how sensitive my ears actually are. They finally have a redeeming quality. “Don’t I even get a hello kiss?”

 

As I turned to do just as he asked, I noticed the brown cartons he had placed on the coffee table in front of the couch. Food is still my number one priority. “What did you bring me?” I skipped over to them, hoping that Yunho had stopped off at that Thai place he took me to last week.

 

“Is that all I am? A mere delivery boy?” Yunho placed his hand over his heart in mock hurt. “All I want is a simple kiss, and you don’t even give me that.”

 

Giving in to my inner flirt, I leaned over the table leaving only a centimeter between our lips. “Tell me what you got me, and then I’ll decide how simple of kiss you get.” Did that sentence make me uncomfortable, you have no idea how much. But the heated look that entered Yunho’s eyes made it all worth it.

 

Yunho began opening the cartons once I pulled back. A strong wave of spices filled the air making my mouth water. He saw my expression and didn’t even bother to conceal his smirk. “Since you told me how much you enjoy spicy foods, I went to a place my friend recommended. They found what they call an authentic Indian restaurant. It was a hole in the wall type of place, but walking in I just knew that you would like it.”

 

I moved around to the other side of the table, sliding right up next to him comfortable being near him after a full week of being joined at the hip, or rather lips. My hands went up to the side of his head as I made a move to kiss him, only to stop right before I touched his lips. His groan of frustration went straight to my groin (Heh, groan, groin, yes I’m five shut up).

 

Letting my lips just graze his, I whispered “You just knew I would like it?”

 

“Maybe that was a poor word choice.” Yunho’s voice got deeper, and that right there is normally the signal to get back and give him some breathing room. But some inner devil, told me to keep doing exactly what I was doing.

 

One of my hands trailed down his neck to rest on his rapidly rising and falling chest, my tongue snuck out and licked my lips. Glancing up I noticed that Yunho was watching the motion with an intensity that should strike fear into my heart.

 

Instead, I locked my gaze with his and let my hand traced down lower, stopping right before I reached the button of his jeans. Not breaking eye contact, I closed the distance between our lips only losing the connection when we first touched.

 

Yunho closed what little distance was left between us, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck taking control of the kiss. Wanting to see him lose control, I slipped my hand underneath his t-shirt, nearly moaning when I touched his abs.

 

My other hand joined the first on Yunho’s stomach, as I caressed the muscles I found there. His grip got tighter every time one of my hands drifted beneath his belly button. And I have something to tell you, the idea that I have this much control over him is one hell of a rush.

 

I hadn’t realized I was pushing against him, until Yunho fell back on to the coach. To prevent myself from collapsing on top of him, my hands flew out placing themselves on either side of Yunho’s body. The position I was in was definitely not the most comfortable, but I could definitely get used to this.

 

Yunho lying underneath me, staring up at me with unhidden lust and desire and knowing that I was the source… It’s a nice feeling.  Nice as in I could definitely get used to it.

 

Too bad I didn’t get to enjoy it for long. Yunho reached up and pulled me down, connecting our lips once more. My hands resumed their earlier position under his shirt. But I had decided that while the shirt was nice, I didn’t want to play with it anymore. He was more than willing to help me rid himself of the now vile piece of clothing.

 

Pressing myself against his bare chest, I continued kissing the life out my hot boyfriend. A small part in the back of my brain started to yell that it was too fast, too soon. But it was small and so easy to ignore in the all that heat and pleasure, until Yunho’s hands clutched at my ass, hauling me up to sit directly on his crotch. At the feeling his obvious erection that I was now sitting on, that small voice chose to, instead of yelling, show a picture, a memory.

 

At the sight of Yunho with that pretty man, I wrenched myself away from him almost tripping in my hast to get away.

 

The lust filled almond eyes drained, becoming stained with confusion then revulsion. That last one would have me running to the nearest locked door to get away. For some reason my feet wouldn’t move.

 

His hands covered his face as he leaned back against the sofa. The lines of his body stark and slick against the squishy-ness of the cushions. Gazing at the tent barely being constrained by his jeans, I wanted to hit myself in the head. I almost had what I wanted, I nearly had Yunho. Stupid body for wimping out, stupid mind for reminding me.

 

“I’m sorry,” Yunho’s voice was small, a complete 180 from before. Now’s where he tells me that he has to leave, that he forgot he has something else planned, that he can’t spend his Saturday night with an insecure virgin. “I shouldn’t have done that. Shouldn’t have allowed it.”

 

My eyes trailed up to where his were still covered. I needed to see them, needed to see the emotions dancing in them. I needed to see the truth.

 

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. My body leaned forward wanting to go back to Yunho’s warmth and the pleasure it had found in it. But my mind wouldn’t let me forget that image. So I stayed where I was, the soundtrack of Lord of the Rings playing in the background with the cursor on the screen blinking on the ‘Play’ option.

 

It must have been at least ten minutes later that Yunho finally lowered his hands away from his face. Taking a quick look at the rest of his body told me it wasn’t the only thing lowered. So much for the hand job.

 

“We should eat before the food gets too cold.” He stood and walked right around to the other side of the coffee table, completely ignoring me. I stood in the same spot, just looking at where Yunho had just been sitting.

 

“Changmin?” No -ah, no endearment, no playful banter. Nothing, just my name.

 

“Did…” Deep breath. “Did I do something wrong?” I could kick myself for sounded so weak, but that’s how I am. I’m weak. One harsh word from Yunho and I feel like my world is falling down.

 

“Wrong?” He sounded confused. “What could you have possibly done wr—Oh, you’re worried about what just happened.”

 

Still looking at the couch, I nodded forcing my body to become rigid to show no weakness, no softness. I can handle rejection, after all it’s what I’ve expected from the beginning.

 

“Changmin-ah,” Yunho’s hand cupped my cheek, gently urging me to turn and look at him. His eyes were full of light, of kindness, and I’m going to say love because it makes me feel better. “You did nothing wrong. We moved too fast and you got spooked. It’s completely normal, and I should have stopped it before it had gotten to that point.”

 

He let out a cold laugh. “If I was a better boyfriend, I would have been able to see that you were going outside your comfort zone.” Leaning a bit, he pressed our foreheads together and bopped our noses drawing out a small smile from me at the childish display of affection. “I’m not mad at you, only at myself.”

 

Relaxing, I folded into his embrace letting hope and dreams prevail over reality. A small laugh escaped my lips as I thought of something. At Yunho’s raise eyebrow, I explained. “You’re a crappy boyfriend then. This entire thing is so far outside my comfort zone, I think we’re in another galaxy.”

 

“Brat,” he laughed with me ruffling my hair. “Come on let’s eat and watch the beauty that is Legolas.”

 

“Figures you would be an Orlando fan. I, myself am attached to Aragon. Especially after when he’s fighting.”

 

Yunho threw me a dirty grin, “So you like them sweaty and dirty.”

 

My blush didn’t deter me from firing back a report, something about pretty men trying not to cringe when I realized what I said. He didn’t notice.

 

The night continued much the same. Us gorging on food of all sorts, debating which LoTR character was the best, and so forth. But the one thing that was the most telling there were no kisses. None.

 

He didn’t even give me a good bye kiss. Okay well he did, but it was on the cheek. Then I just thought it was because of what happened earlier this evening, and he was worried about freaking me out even more. And it made sense. Then.

 

It has been two weeks since then and only chaste kisses are to be seen.

 

If I make it through another day with nothing more than a quick peck on the lips, I am going to throw something large and heavy at Yunho’s head. I’ve tried to deepen the kiss, but he just backs off with some lame excuse. Though it is all my fault, after all I did say that it was outside my comfort zone. Argh!

 

Stupid man, why did he have to take me seriously?!

 

My head collapsed on the table, some insane thought that this was all just a dream and by inflicting pain it would wake me up. Then it'll be back to how it was before that disaster of a movie night. Yet opening my eyes I only saw the wooden table up close and personal. "Damn it, I hate my life."

 

"It's not that bad," a female voice commented from above me sounding way to happy at my misery.

 

Not even bothering wasting energy to lift my head for some random woman, I just tilted my head to glare at her. Surprisingly I actually knew her. She works at the café in Yunho's bookstore, in fact she's the one that always takes my drink. And sure enough, there's an iced Americano in her hands.

 

"Is that for me?" Apparently my manners disappeared with the lack of any sexual action. And if I hear any comments about how I've never had any sexual action I'll...okay so I don't know what I'll do but it won't be pleasant.

 

Her eyebrows rose at my remark. "Wow you're blunt. No wonder he likes you." The Americano came closer to my face, and without waiting to see her change her mind, I reached out and took a sip.

 

At the sound of a scoff I looked up again to see her siting in the chair opposite mine. The chair that's supposed to be for Yunho. I want to tell her off, that the seat's taken, but she did just bring me coffee…

 

"Alright, now what the hell happened between you and Yunho?" Her arms and legs are crossed, her glare alone could melt the icecaps. I am reminded of my high school principal, that lady could terrify the Terminator.

 

"And you think I'm going to tell you because you gave me coffee, yet I don't know your name." Another sip. Caffeine come on time to kick in.

 

She sighed, flipping her hair to hid an eye roll, a trick I perfected back in middle school. "My name's Boa. I work with Yunho in this lovely establishment. Once summer started he practically danced around the store doing his job. But for the past few weeks he looks like someone killed his puppy. So I repeat, what happened?"

 

I couldn't help it, I snorted. "If anyone should be moping around like their dog was killed it should be me. Damn his morals."

 

Her legs unfolded and she leaned over the table, a smirk playing on her lips. "Explain." Heh, she says no wonder Yunho likes me, but no wonder he's friends with her. They're cut from the same cloth.

 

My face heated up at the memory partially hoping that she'd take the hint and drop it, unfortunately she just leaned in closer looking like a cat that just got cream. I want some cream… stop it mind. Glaring at her, I started talking.

 

"I got spooked, okay? Things got a little…" I waved my hand around, my face a tomato now. "And I got spooked. Now Yunho has it in his head that things were moving way to fast and now the stupid fucker won't even kiss me properly. He kisses me like someone would kiss their grandma! I may only be 18 but I would like to lose my virginity sometime in the next decade thank you very much."

 

A girlish giggle reached my ears, I was shocked to see that it came from the dominant girl in front of me. Boa, as she told me her name was, watched me with mischief in her eyes. "Oh so that's it." She smiled broadly at me. "I know a lot about his misplaced morality. I can help you if you want, but first I have to know if you're ready for the consequences."

 

"You mean am I sure I'm ready for it. Trust me noona, I may have freaked out a little bit then but I'm more than ready now. What do you have in mind?"

 

Her calculating eyes stared straight through me. "There's more to it isn't there?"

 

"Not that you need to know," I responded back at her. "Now how can you help me?"

 

She gave me an evil smirk, but as she opened her mouth another voice rang out. "Boa! What are you doing there?"

 

Yunho popped out from some stacks far enough away where there is no way he could have heard me, but close enough to make me terrified that he might have. Walking up to our table, he glared at his friend then turned to greet me with a wide smile.

 

"What's it look like I'm doing? I'm keeping your new boy toy company." Boa said flipping her hair in a superior way, but giving me a wink.

 

"Boa…" Wow, in all my attempts to piss Yunho off I've never managed it that easily. Actually I've never been able to piss him off, and she did it with one sentence.

 

"Oh you're no fun," she pouted up at him as though he just told her Santa wasn't real. "I was just telling Min-chan about the party this weekend and how he should be your plus one."

 

"I thought I told you I wasn't going?"

 

"And I just told you, that you are. And you're bringing Changmin." At Yunho's exasperated look she continued. "Come on, everyone wants to meet the reason you've been ditching us for the past month! You only have to show up with Changmin in tow. You can even leave after ten minutes, I promise."

 

Boa turned to look at me with a large smile that would have been terrifying. "Don't you want to go to Changmin?" The look in her eyes told me that the answer was yes, there was no such word as no.

 

I opened my mouth to respond, but Yunho cut me off. "Boa you can't force Changmin to go if he doesn't want to."

 

That stabbed deep. "I want to go."

 

Yunho looked shocked and Boa looked Christmas had come early. This weekend would be interesting.

 

The day of the party, Boa showed up bright and early at my door with a wicked smile and shopping bags declaring that I was getting a makeover whether I wanted it or not.

 

“I don’t know about this…” escaped my mouth for what must have been the tenth time as Boa dug through my closet, looking for some clothes for me to wear.

 

The older women sighed heavily before turning to glare at me. “Listen, you want Yunho to stop looking at you as a kid right? The easiest way to do that is to show him, by wearing clothes that emphasize that you’re all grown up. It also helps having the correct mentality.”

 

“I don’t feel grown up,” I whispered, caressing a silk shirt that she brought with her. “I’m just an insecure high school graduate. Even I have no clue what Yunho sees in me and why he would ever want me.”

 

A piece of clothing came streaming towards my head, hitting me square on. Ripping the fabric off my head, I glared at Boa who stood by my closet, arms crossed over her chest as she glared right back.

 

“Changmin trust me on this he wants you. A few weeks ago it just hit him how young and inexperienced you really are and he was terrified he would move too fast. All you need to do is let him know you’re ready, that’s it.” Her annoyance changed into empathy and understanding. “I can’t help you with your insecurities Changmin-ah. I wish I could, but I can tell you that Yunho finds you incredibly beautiful.” She gave a snort and before I could begin panicking that she didn’t think so, Boa kept talking. “God knows he talks about it all the time. If I have to hear another reference to your expressive eyes, smooth skin or full lips I am going to scream.”

 

Heat rushed to my face and I just knew my cheeks were a bright red. “He says that?”

 

She rolls her eyes at me. “I swear you two… Yes he says it all the time. Did you even notice that when you hang out at the bookstore he never stops staring at you? And should he catch anyone else staring, Yunho all but growls at them.”

 

As Boa turns back to my closet, I stare down at the pants she threw at my head. Counting the seams, and trying to calm down. Yunho talks about me to his friends, he thinks I’m beautiful, he doesn’t like others looking at me.

 

God this is just too much. He isn’t supposed to be like this. I’m leaving in a month, there is no way I can handle a long distance relationship. No way I can keep Yunho’s attention after he goes back to his college campus and is surrounded by people who make me look like a troll. A flash of that pretty guy from months ago echoed painfully in my head. How can I combat with that?

 

Boa noticed none of my inner turmoil. She turned back to me, her arms full of clothes, a secret smile playing across her features. Dropping her pile onto my lap, she commands “Look through these and find what makes you comfortable and I’ll give it the yay or nay.”

 

Standing up, clothes overflowing in my arms, I turned to look at her. Yunho’s friend who doesn’t even know me. “Why are you helping me?”

 

She looked at me with confusion, as though the thought to not help never even occurred to her. After no more than a couple seconds she shrugged. “You might be pretty smart, but you are clueless on things like seduction and romance, that much I do know. It feels wrong not helping you with this. Besides, if it makes you feel better, think of this as me helping Yunho get laid.”

 

Though I cringed at the crudeness of it, I felt infinitely more relaxed. Why, I have no clue, it wasn’t as though Boa’s explanation actually helped me.

 

About an hour later, after Boa finally declared me ready to go, Yunho showed up to take us to the party. I ended up wearing a simple V-neck t-shirt I didn’t even know I had, and a pair of jeans that were distressed I think the term is, and looked like they had been painted on. Them, I remembered buying, though I don’t recall them being so tight. A pair of boots and a bunch of random accessories complete the look according to what she said.

 

Every time I reached up to make sure it was my hair on my head, she would reach over and slap my hand away claiming that I’ll mess it up. My head felt heavy with the amount of crap Boa put on not only my hair but my face. I’ve never wore eyeliner before, and I don’t think I ever will again. But upon seeing Yunho’s reaction when I opened the door, I could easily be converted.

 

He looked shell-shocked. The way his jaw dropped and his eyes bulged out of his face, it kinda looked like someone had kicked him in the balls. Actually that isn't too far off the mark, except it wasn't a person who delivered the blow.

 

The look of utter awe and wonder as his gaze traveled from my face down to my feet and back up again, made me feel powerful, desirable.

 

But that feeling only lasted for so long before the insecurities came roaring back. What if he's staring because the change it too great? This isn't anything I would wear, maybe he prefers my usual style and doesn't think this one fits me. Hell I don't think it fits me…

 

"You look amazing…" the tone of complete marvel definitely helped some of my inner demons calm down at the moment.

 

The blush that heated up my face wasn’t entirely unwelcome. I tucked on strand of hair behind my ear, trying to look anywhere but at Yunho, “Thanks.”

 

I stole a glance back at him, a giddy feeling in my body at seeing his light blush. The moment seemed just perfect…that is until Boa decided she had enough of being ignored.

 

“We all look amazing,” she stated sweeping down the stairs of my house as though she was a visiting queen. “Including you, Yun-ah. I’m pleasantly surprised, I didn’t know you actually had a sense of fashion.”

 

Yunho winked at me before turned to give Boa a mock bow. “Why should it surprise you that I actually listen to your fashion advice every time you come over? I am glad I exceed your expectations milady.”

 

It wasn’t until we were almost half way to the party that Yunho leaned over and whispered into my ear. “Don’t tell Boa, but my sister was the one who dressed me.”

 

My hand slapped over my mouth before the laughter could leave it and alert Boa to our conversation. “You called your sister in Europe for fashion advice?”

 

Yunho reached out and punched my shoulder, not hard though, not like my punches. “Don’t judge, I wanted to look good for you and you’ve already stolen my stylist.”

 

“Oh I didn’t steal her, she came over willingly and unwanted.” I joked right back, loving how easy it was to just talk with him. Did I want to lose that? What am I thinking, why would sex between us change anything?

 

Because sex changed everything.

 

My thoughts were halted with a swift kick to my shin. Looking up I saw Boa, eyes blazing and Yunho trying hard not to keep laughing. “Unwanted? You ungrateful little… after everything I’ve done for you. And you,” she turned to Yunho, who lost his laughter instantly, “don’t you dare encourage him.”

 

“Why?” he asked with a sly smirk and a knowing gaze, “I quite like his bite.”

 

Queue the excessive amount of blushing. Thoughts of all the places I could bite him filtered through my mind, both strange and erotic places. I mean who the hell would want to bite a person’s back? I just don’t get it.

 

Boa gave an exasperated sigh, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, ‘Just fuck already’ before turning and continuing to lead our way. Yunho’s hand traced down my arm, causing goose bumps to follow the entire way, until he grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. My blush never left, but it was alright because Yunho’s was just as bright.

 

The house holding the party was just what I feared it to be, large and loud. We could all hear it from two blocks over and it was a small miracle that no one had thought to call the cops yet.

 

My grip on Yunho’s hand tightened the closer we got to the music. He tried sending reassuring smiles, giving my hand a gentle squeeze, but none of it succeeded in relaxing me. I’m a quiet person, I don’t do parties that have more than ten people. Even then I feel out of place. Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to this…

 

That thought was only reinforced the moment we walked into the house. Some feminine looking guy (not the same one from before, thank god), came over to us and swept Yunho away saying something about punishment for abandoning them, leaving Boa and I standing alone by the door.

 

Boa gave me tired smile, “Don’t mind Heechul too much. He’s used to having Yunho all to himself, and he did not enjoy it when you decided to hoard him to yourself these past few weeks.”

 

“But…” I began.

 

“It’s all Yunho’s fault, yes I know. But Heechul would never blame his Yundol for anything. Don’t worry your pretty little head over it, he’ll get used to sharing.” She reached down to grab my wrist, then dragged me around the house, calling out hellos to random people until we reached the drinks.

 

As I stared at my surrounding, taking in all the people and more specifically all the people staring at me, Boa got me a drink. When she handed it to me, I took a sip, thinking it was soda, only to almost spit it out at the bitter flavor.

 

“What did you do to it?” I asked peering down into the plastic cup, demanding that it tell me its secrets.

 

She laughed at my expression. “I added a shot or two of soju. To help you loosen up a little.”

 

“…That’s not necessary.” I muttered but kept drinking the bitter liquid, finding that the more I drank it the more addicting it was.

 

As Boa and I stayed within close range of the refreshment table, two loud guys made their way over to us. She introduced them as Donghae, Yunho’s friend from high school, and Eunhyuk, his boyfriend. The two were loud and fun to be around, decided that it was more interesting hanging out with us than anyone else at the party. Though that might be because they liked trying to make me blush, or it could be because their eyes nearly fell out of their heads when Boa said I was Yunho’s boyfriend.

 

We stood there just chatting for what must have been an hour. In that time I realized that though I kept sipping from my drink it never seemed to get any emptier. Glancing over at Boa confirmed my second suspicion. There was no way it could have been my first one, as I doubt any of these muggles know how to use magic. She must have been filling it up when my attention was elsewhere, most likely on Donghae and Eunhyuk. They were probably all in this together.

 

But at the moment I couldn’t care less. My body felt lighter than air, and laughter came easier with each passing second. Maybe alcohol wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

 

Then the two guys suggested that we all hit the dance floor, and in my alcohol induced high I couldn’t see why that was a bad idea. Sure it became clear when upon reaching said dance floor, which really was just an area cleared of all furniture, I remembered that I couldn’t dance to save my life.

 

Thankfully Eunhyuk came to my rescue. Telling me the hidden secret to moving like a porn star. Those weren’t his actual words, but seeing the example I concluded that it must have been what he meant. But his explanation was extremely simple.

 

“Immerse yourself in the music, then just imagine you’re having sex and move along with the beat.”

 

I honestly had no clue how I was doing. The others kept making noises of encouragement, so I just kept doing what I was doing. Though, instead of dancing with them, I pictured myself dancing with Yunho. His hands tight on my waist as his hard erection would brush against my ass with every pass. His mouth hot on my ear, whispering everything he wanted to do to me.

 

The image shattered when I felt someone, someone that sure as hell wasn’t Yunho, grab my ass. Opening my eyes, I turned to glare at the soon to be dead guy who had the gall to touch me. The guy gave me a sleazy smile, one that had me cringing. I swatted his hand away like it was nothing more than a pest, which it wasn’t since it came back. This time though, he ran his hand along my thigh.

 

Spinning out of his grasp, I looked around for Eunhyuk, Donghae or Boa to have them save me from this disgusting perv. They were standing at the edge of floor watching me with barely concealed smiles. Hurt and anger spread through me, how fucking dare they laugh at this.

 

I learned the reason for their laughter soon enough. A warm, hard body pressed against my back as a low voice filled with promise whispered in my ear. “I didn’t know you could dance.”

 

 

Forgetting that we were in a public place, or that there was someone I wanted to kill right in front of me, I turned into his embrace and wrapping my arms around his neck, and kissed him.

 

I believe it is a strong testament to how much I drank, and with the alcohol I could taste on Yunho’s tongue, that rather than a chaste kiss like I was used to these past few weeks, he grabbed my neck and deepened it.

 

Not sure how long we stood there, it felt like hours. It felt like seconds. Finally, and not soon enough, Yunho pulled away. Pressing me close to his body, he glared at the man who couldn’t take no for an answer. The man who could be mistaken for a vampire, and his eyes were wide with fear.

 

“Go find someone else to play with. This one is mine.” Yunho all put growled. I didn’t think it was possible, but the man turned whiter before he whipped around and ran out of the house. Weird.

 

I hadn’t realized that thought was out loud until Yunho looked at me confused. “He was scared of you. How could he be scared of you? You’re just a big teddy bear.” I could feel the pout in my voice, but I couldn’t be pouting because I don’t pout.

 

Yunho just smiled at me, leaning down to kiss me again. “I can be pretty scary when I want to be.”

 

Huffing at that answer, I moved to walk off the floor when Yunho grabbed my arm and spun me back into his arms. “I wanna dance with you.” And how was I to say no.

 

We slow danced to the fast techno music for god knows how long. My head lying on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his chest. Yunho’s hands rested on my waist, for a little bit, until they moved to rest on small swell of my ass. His thigh settled between my own, resting almost on my crotch. We swayed like that, pressed so close that nothing would have been able to come between us.

 

When Yunho finally lead me off the dance floor, we were both more than a little hard. He dragged me outside where his friends were sitting by the pool. Disinterested, I noticed that some of the party-goers had decided to make this into a pool party as well.

 

Upon reaching them, Yunho sat down in one of the lounges. No one said a word when he pulled me down to sit in his lap. Though I’m pretty sure I saw one or two secret smiles. Ignoring them, I leaned against Yunho and just listened to the rise and fall of his voice, feeling the vibrations against my back.

 

There was one problem with the way we were sitting though. I could feel Yunho’s erection poking me from behind no matter how I moved. Actually the more I moved the more I could feel it. I knew my face was neon red, and getting redder by the minute. It didn’t help that my shirt had ridden up as I sat. Yunho took full advantage of that, running his fingers along the bared skin. It sent shivers up my spine, which only increased the blushing.

 

Wanting to hide, I shifted so that my face was buried against Yunho’s neck. I had only been like that for a few minutes when I heard his voice against my ear.

 

“Are you tired? You want to go home?”

 

Humming my affirmative response, Yunho wasted no time sitting up and saying good byes. I could have sworn some people catcalled on our way out. I blinked and we were outside heading back to our street.

 

We walked in absolute silence, Yunho’s arm still wrapped around my waist. Since I haven’t fixed my shirt yet, he still caressed the skin there. Though this time, he also began moving his fingers under my shirt and up along my stomach.

 

My breathe hitched at every pass and I was just about to say fuck it all and throw Yunho to the ground and ride him there in the street when our houses came into view. We paused at the driveway to my house for a bit before I realized that Yunho wanted me to go in.

 

“Can I stay with you tonight?” My voice breaking the silence of the night. The look on Yunho’s face was conflicted, so I spoke again. “I just don’t want to go back to a large, empty house after all the noise and people. I don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

Yunho’s head jerked in a nod, and he began all but dragging me to his house. The second the door closed and locked behind us, he was pushing me against the nearest wall, his mouth on mine. His hands worked up my shirt, I shivered when he passed by my nipples. Then the shirt was gone, ripped over my head. The necklaces Boa forced on me twinkled like bells, making unexpected music that was so different from the heavy bass of the party.

 

His eyes were dark as he looked at me, hands roaming my chest a centimeter above my skin but that only made the sensation all that more powerful. Not able to stand it, I pulled his head down to fuse our lips together once more.

 

Backing me up until I was trapped by two solid objects, Yunho placed his hands on the wall behind me, caging me even further. But I couldn’t find it any in me to be scared, or to even care. I tugged at his shirt, conveying that I wanted it gone. Yunho took the hint, throwing it somewhere, probably the same place as mine. But again didn’t really care.

 

Leaving my mouth, Yunho started laying kisses along my throat. Kiss, lick, bite, and repeat. I couldn’t stop the pants from leaving my mouth, I’m pretty sure that I moaned a time or two but who really knows or cares. Yunho’s hand ran along my thigh, each run pressing deeper, going higher. It felt so much different from that guy at the party.

 

Drawing the leg up, Yunho wrapped it around his waist, then went to do the same to my other leg. Pressing me even harder into the wall, his hands grabbed at my ass to hold me up better, I’m sure. He moved in even closer, rubbing his cloth covered erection against mine. I couldn’t even stop the groan of pleasure that left my mouth to echo in the empty house.

 

In a split second everything changed.

 

Yunho froze at hearing me, then wrenched himself away from me. Without his strong arms holding me up, I slid down the wall to the floor. Well it was more like a plop, but whatever I’m keeping whatever grace I can get.

 

A new voice echoed through the house, one saying, “Shit! Fucking shit!” over and over again. Though it could just have happened once, and the echo just kept it going. Looking over at Yunho, I watched as he paced in front of me. His hands were running through his hair, every single muscle I could see (that’s a lot thanks to his shirt being gone) was straining, including his jean’s zipper.

 

“Yunho…” I reached out only to have him recoil away from me.

 

“I need some air.” He muttered over his shoulder as he headed towards the backyard, not even bothering to look at me and see if I was okay.

 

That hurt. That hurt more than I thought it would.

 

A small part of me wanted to just turn around and leave. It would be better in the morning. But another, much louder and larger thanks to all the alcohol Boa practically forced down my throat, was demanding retribution for all the pain and confusion Yunho caused. I’m proud that I can even use words like ‘retribution’ when the world is spinning and my mind’s fuzzy.

 

Standing up, and trying not to fall over again, I marched after Yunho. I’m through being the one left behind. If he doesn’t want me, then he better well tell me and stop this fucking game.

 

Once reaching the glass sliding door that separates the indoors from the outside patio, I saw Yunho with his back to me, hands on the railing, arms tensed ready for battle. In fact his whole body was even tenser than it was back inside. This time though, I get to see his back muscles clearer than ever.

 

God, I want him. My knees went weak at the thought of that body above me, feeling that power under my hands. Or it could be the alcohol, but I’m going with good old fashioned lust.

 

Then I remembered that he left me hard and wanting. Lust turns into anger very easily and quickly.

 

“What the fuck is your problem?!” I yell the moment I step onto the patio. Yunho turned to face me, his eyes hard.

 

“My problem?” Cold, his voice was cold. It was never cold, not to me.

 

Steeling my resolve, “Yes your fucking problem! Do you enjoy leaving me on the floor, horny and confused?”

 

Yunho snorted and turned back to face the yard. “You wouldn’t understand.”

 

“I wouldn’t understand?” A humorless laugh left my mouth. “Is it because I’m younger than you? Because hate to break it to you buddy, but I’m legal. You can’t use that excuse.”

 

He shifted his head to glare at me and opened his mouth to no doubt say something I didn’t want to hear. So I beat him to the punch. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

 

“How does that even-“

 

“How. Old. Were. You?” My arms folded over my chest, (my bare chest, god I want to have sex with him yet I’m panicking over him seeing me half naked), as I growled out the words.

 

“…sixteen, but that doesn-“

 

“Sixteen.” I repeated with a little disgust and self-loathing. “I’m two years older than you were. Two fucking years, Yunho. So age shouldn’t be a problem. Or is it because I’m a virgin and you don’t want to deal with someone whose only experience with sex involves porn, which is a horrible representation of the actual act and of people’s sex lives.”

 

“Min…” Yunho growled, officially annoyed with me for the first time. But I’ll celebrate later.

 

“I can’t change the fact that I’m a virgin until you fuck me!” His eyes flashed at that, a warning. I didn’t heed it. “If it bothers you so much, I’ll just get someone else to do it. That guy at the party seemed-“

 

Yunho closed the distance between us and kissed me. Hard, borderline brutal. When he pulled away I think I tasted blood. “Stop, just stop Min.” His eyes were dark as he glared at me.

 

“Then stop waiting for an invitation that was sent years ago.” I reached out and put a hand on his chest. “I want you, I’ve wanted you for years. Stop making things more complicated then they need to be.”

 

Something shifted in his gaze and he gathered me in his arms, kissing me like I was the most important thing in the world. Holding me like I was precious. I could hear him taking cushions from the outdoor furniture and he laid me down on his hastily created nest.

 

I felt warmth as he moved on top of me. There was pain, but as I looked up at the night sky I could swear I knew what heaven felt like.

 

With the stars as our witness, I gave Yunho my body, my virginity, my heart, everything I am. In that moment, I was Yunho’s and he was mine. I don’t regret it at all.

 

 


	3. August

 

Alright scratch that last thought, the alcohol I regret. I definitely regret the alcohol, but everything else was perfect. Except maybe having sex on the patio...yea. Hardwood floors even when buffered with cushions will still leave bruises.

Other than those two things, everything was perfect. If only I could remember all of it.

Which is why alcohol is on the list.

I woke up the next morning in Yunho’s bed, at least I hope it was Yunho’s bed. Little pricks of pain playing my backside like a piano and a headache the size of China. My lover, happiness flowed through me at finally being able to call Yunho that, was pressed up against my back. One arm wrapped around my waist, while the other’s fingertips brushed along my arm leaving a tingling feeling.

Noticing that I woke up, Yunho kissed my shoulder. “How are you feeling?” There was a wariness in his voice that I wasn’t too fond of.

Mentally taking notes, I realized that nothing hurt except for my butt and head. “I’m good, a little sore but nothing that’s too big to deal with.” At speaking the light tapping against my skull became a hammering. “Though the headache could prove to be a problem.”

Yunho’s chuckle vibrated through my whole body. “Welcome to the world of hangovers.”

“I don’t like this welcome, how do I leave?” Already I was getting sick of the constant pounding in my brain. At least I was spared the nausea that I’ve seen happen to others.

“You don’t,” Yunho commented grimly sympathizing with my pain. “But I can make some coffee for you once the will to leave this bed arises.” Don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon, judging by how comfortable he appeared next to me. Not complaining though, I’m quite comfortable as well.

After a few minutes of us lying there like bums, Yunho spoke up again. “I don’t remember seeing you drink. Exactly how did you get so drunk in the little time I left you with Boa? Even more important question, how much do you remember from last night?”

The first question I don’t have a problem answering, it’s the second that I’m scared of. What if when I tell him I don’t remember a damn thing, he’ll revert to how it’s been the past few weeks with nothing more than kisses on the cheek?

“Changmin?”

“I don’t know how much I drank,” I answered slowly. “Boa was the one who got drinks, I didn’t even know she spiked it until I tasted the bitterness in it. Nor did I ask her to keep refilling it. Actually I don’t even remember her refilling it, the cup just never got empty.”

He groaned behind me. “I need to tell Boa that’s not okay to do. You don’t just get people that drunk without asking them. I’m starting to think the entire party was her ploy.” Technically it was both hers and mine, but so not telling him that now.

“It’s fine,” I comment, capturing his fingers and clasping them with mine. “Besides without the alcohol I never would have known I could dance like that.”

I felt him smile against my shoulder, and that wasn’t the only reaction I felt. Which is how I realized that we were both very much so naked under the sheets. He must have felt me tense as he shifted so his partial erection was no longer poking me in the ass.

“It’s fine,” I comment almost as soon as he moved. My face must be the color of a fire engine right now I can just feel it. “I don’t mind.”

Yunho paused at my words, not in a bad way, I don't think, but in a thinking way. He made up his mind rather quickly if that was the case, and rolled back to his original position. A shiver of pleasure ran down my spine, and a little twinge of pain but not focusing on that now, as Yunho pressed his front against my back.

His lips traced my ear, "I don't think this is a wise position."

"Oh," Should I have sounded that breathless? "How so?"

The vibrations of his laugh rippled along my neck. "You might need to walk later today or tomorrow." And now it’s a full body blush, I have to look like a lobster. And a lobster is no way attractive…unless you are another lobster. Yunho's arms tighten around my waist, giving me a small warning, just not the right one. "Now answer my other question, how much of last night do you remember Min-ah?"

"Enough that you'll get mad. If not at me then at Boa."

"That answer can be taken two different ways Changmin."

"The last thing I remember with clarity was you grabbing the cushions of the porch furniture…" I knew he tensed and was about to leave. I just knew it. "The rest of the night comes in chunks with some things missing. Like I remember dancing and sitting by the pool, but I don't remember getting from there to your house."

There was a long silence, ended with a "Fuck."

He rolled away from me, arm leaving my waist to a new position over his face. His groan echoed in the still of the room. “You were right.”

“About…” I ask hesitantly.

“About me getting mad at Boa.” Yunho shifted so that the arm under me was pulled out and he was sitting up with his head in his hands. “Heechul might have been in on it as well, God knows he was plying me with enough alcohol.”

I rolled over so I could look at him, ignoring the pain that shot up my spine with the movement. “You should probably be mad at me too.”

“Why would I be mad at you? You just as much of a victim as I am.” Yunho said glancing at me, there was annoyance in his tone that wasn’t directed at me. At least not yet.

Hiding the wince, I moved up so that I was sitting up right next to him. “That’s why you should be mad at me. I’m not exactly a victim here…more like a conspirator.”

Silence, then a wave of fury flowed through the room. “Explain. Now.”

“You remember when Boa sat with me in the bookstore and invited me to the party? Well, I kind of asked for her help and that was her response.” Resolutely not looking at Yunho right now.

“Help?” Wow his tone was dark. It would have been so hot if it weren’t directed at me. “What did you need help with that ended with this?” Okay, and everything that just happened between us was now turned into a this, I will not cry.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, but these past few weeks you haven’t been treating me like a boyfriend. More like a distant cousin that came for an unwanted visit.” That came out harsher than I meant it too.

At seeing the tightening of his eyes, it was a lot harsher than I wanted it to be. “So you thought that sex would change that.”

“Sex wasn’t the main goal,” It was my end goal, but not the main goal. Big difference. “I just wanted you not to treat me like I was twelve. Boa made it quite clear that sex was a possibility and even offered an out for me. So you can’t be mad at her for that.”

Yunho grabbed my shoulder and forced me to look at him. “That does not change the fact that you went through this for sex. Changmin did you ever once think how I would feel once I found out that you got me drunk so you could have sex?”

I wrenched my body away from him. Standing up, I wasn’t able to stop the wince of pain that accompanied it. “Fuck you. I didn’t know you were going to be drunk, I didn’t even know that there was going to be alcohol involved. I just asked for help for me you asshole. I wanted to know what to do to make you stop seeing me like some inexperienced teenager. Never did I want or plan any of this to happen because we were fucking drunk!”

With a final glare, I turned to leave the room. Yunho stood up and pulled me back, his eyes glittered with anger. “I’ll stop treating you like an inexperienced teenager, when you aren’t one.”

“This conversation sounds strangely familiar to me,” I say sarcastically. “Oh yea because we had it last night. I can’t stop being an inexperienced teenager unless you fucking help me with that.”

“So what? You thought a drunk fuck would help you with it. Why, for the love of God, why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

Yunho’s grip had lessen enough that I was able to pull my arm back and fold it across my chest, suddenly hyperaware that I was naked. “Would you have listened?” I did not sound like a sullen teen no I did not. I sounded like a sullen adult, thank you very much.

And just like that, all of Yunho’s anger disappeared and his gaze grew understanding. “Of course I would have Min-ah.” At that I deflated, embarrassed that I didn’t talk about it sooner. Yunho, seeing that I was no longer angry, tugged me into his arms holding me tightly.

“For future reference, exactly how am I supposed to bring it up in a conversation?” I ask after a few minutes of cuddling.

Yunho barked out a laugh before kissing my forehead. “Just bring today, I’ll know what you want to say immediately.”

“Will do.” I sigh into his bare chest. Which reminds me. “I have a favor to ask, well it’s more of a request.” At Yunho’s hum, I continue carefully, “It has to do with the inexperience.” Yunho’s hum was more wary this time. “Well, seeing as how I don’t remember much of it, I was wondering…and its fine if you say no, but would it be possible to, I don’t know, have a redo of last night…minus the alcohol and porch?”

“Changmin…” he groaned exasperated, releasing me to fall back on the bed.

“What?” I reply defensively. “When people ask me how I lost my virginity, I do not want to have to say that I don’t remember. So can we redo it so I can at least tell the somewhat truth?”

His hands were covering his face again, though I’m not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. “You do know that you won’t be able to walk right? You can barely stand straight right now.”

Kneeling on the bed in such a way that put no pressure on my ass, I thought about it and the answer was obvious. “Let’s see, its summer, I have an incredibly hot boyfriend and both our parents are out of town for the next few weeks. Why do I need to walk?”

A snort came from my boyfriend, “What about food?”

I leaned over Yunho, moving away one hand so I could see his face. “That’s where the incredibly hot boyfriend comes in.”

Another snort, though this one sounded more like a laugh. “So that’s why you added the ‘incredibly’. You were sucking up.”

“Yup, did it work?”

Yunho tilted his head like he was thinking about it. Then without warning, he flipped me so that I was the one on the bed and he hovered over me. “Looks like I’ll be getting in a lot of practice being your servant, your Highness.”

And dear god, did he ever get practice. Which is also to say that I got just as much practice, if not more, on how to be a good lover.

Yunho was right about me not being able to walk the next day. But I have no complaints, none at all. Waking up to see my lover, my completely naked lover, walking out the room without an ounce of shame, I couldn’t help but bask in content.

He came back with a small plate of food and found me curled up in the blanket. “Well don’t you look as happy as a clam.” Glancing up, I saw his gentle smile and thought this is what happiness is. This is what I want to wake up to for the rest of my life. I would give anything to wake up, sleep next to, and live with this man. I wanted to jump up and sing that I was in love with him.

But I said none of those things. “Food, gimmie!” I reached out as far as I could without moving. There are only four weeks left before I leave for college, I’m going to squeeze as much out of this for as long as I can.

Yunho gave a look, the one saying move your lazy ass and get out of bed. But he moved closer and sat next to me on the edge of the bed. Then the bastard raised the plate until it was out of my immediate reach.

“You ass,” I glared up at him.

He just laughed and kissed me on the nose. “You’ve been in bed for almost two full days. Time to get up.”

Snorting, “It has not been two days, you liar.” Again I reached for the plate, extending my arm as far as it would go, only to have Yunho move it again.

“In,” Yunho glanced at the clock, “five hours, it will have been 48 hours since we left for the party. And you’ve only left the bed to use the bathroom.”

“Not true,” I comment smiling at the memory. “I distinctly remember you bending me over your desk and fucking me.” The pure embarrassment in saying that was so worth the blush that spread over Yunho’s face. Also worth it that he put his guard down and lowered the plate to where I could get at it.

Taking advantage of his shocked state, I sat up and grabbed the plate. Only to lose my grip on it as a sharp stab of pain, similar to hot poker being shoved up my ass, coursed through my body. At the sound of my cry, Yunho forgot about the plate and pulled me into his arms.

“This is why we shouldn’t have done your ‘re-enactment’.” He ran his hands along my spine, soothing away and pain.

Glaring up at him, or as much of a glare as I could manage at the moment. “It’s not like you were complaining, Mister I Can’t Wait Ten Minutes for You to Shower. Besides, I wanted a reenactment. As in one, not how ever many times we did it.” Oh I know exactly how many times, and I loved every single one of them.

“Sex, love.” Yunho looked at me with heat in his eyes and a wicked smirk. “We had sex. Or as you so eloquently put it, we fucked. Many, many times.” Love, he called me love. “And to your previous statement about the shower, I had to help you since you could stand on your own for more than a few seconds. Do you know how hard it is for me to watch my boyfriend in the shower without wanting to push him against the wall and take him?” He pulled me against his chest, tilting my head until our lips were almost touching yet still he only looked into my eyes. “When he’s wet, naked, and relaxed in my arms, then he looks up at me with those large innocent eyes full of trust just begging for a kiss, how can I resist that? How can I say no?”

With that he pressed his lips to mine. Gentle and sweet, but so full of love. My legs turned to mush, and the pain in my back reduced until all I could feel was Yunho. Maneuvering my hands to his chest, I pushed just hard enough to separate our lips.

“Pervert,” I whispered. “I was in pain and all you could think about was sex.”

Yunho laughed just as quietly as my whisper, like it was a secret between the two of us. “I know, love. When it comes to you, I am a pervert. But no worries, you’re in enough pain at the moment, I don’t want to cause you any more.”

Not trusting myself to speak, I pulled him back into a kiss, a demanding, begging kiss. Sitting up, I moved to straddle him, my hands ran through Yunho’s hair before cupping his face. He grasped my waist, and lowered me back down onto the bed. He left my lips in favor of kissing his way down my neck. One of his hands moved below my waist to my thigh, lifting it so he could rest between my legs. In that new position, Yunho began grinding his erection down onto my growing one.

My head flung back against the pillows as pleasure whipped through my oversensitive body. “I…I thought you said no more sex,” my words changed into gasps when Yunho decided to bite down at the junction of my neck and shoulder.

Humming, Yunho released my skin and gazed up at me. “I said no more pain, I said nothing about not giving you more pleasure.” His attention when back to my skin and the yet another hickey he was decorating my neck with.

A moan escaped my mouth as he started licking my neck and rubbing his erection along the crack of my ass at the same time. “I think any more pleasure and you’ll end up killing me. But that doesn’t seem as such a bad way to go. Don’t you think?”

Yunho stopped all his miscreants, and looked up at me. My breath caught at the soft smile and warm eyes he gave me. His hands left their position on my waist and thigh, moving to cup my face with such tenderness that I could feel a pain in my heart. I tugged his face down for a kiss before he could see my tears.

He looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered in the world, like I really was his love. But I knew it wasn’t going to last. Pushing all those thoughts to the rear of my mind, I focused everything on Yunho, on kissing him, on loving him. Even if it were just for the next few weeks, I would give him everything I had, everything I am. He would never know it. Just go through the rest of his life believing this only a summer crush. But I would know, and I would remember.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

Yunho groaned and dropped his head to rest on my shoulder. “Really? They have to ring it now?”

Blinking away the tears that gathered in my eyes, I comb my fingers through his hair. “We could just ignore it and maybe they’ll go away.”

His groan turned into a laugh, “If that’s who I think it is, they’ll keep ringing that fucking doorbell until someone answers it.” And sure enough, as he said that the doorbell echoed through the large house again this time followed with them banging on the door.

“Ya! Jung Yunho you open this door right now! I know you’re home and I don’t give a damn if you’re having sex, you are going to open this door and comfort me god damn it!”

My boyfriend sighed, and then moved up from his position. “Are you ready to meet the Kim Heechul?”

“Do I have a choice?” I ask, flopping back down in the bed. Turning to look at him going through his drawers for some clean clothes, I notice some marks on his back. Scratches, from my fingernails.

“Not really, but you can choose whether to meet him clothed and in the living room, or naked and lying in my bed.” he sighed as another round of banging came. “Hold your fucking horses Heechul, I’m coming!” He looked back at me and noticed my extreme blush. “What’s with you?”

“You’re…you’re going to put a shirt on right?” Please tell me you aren’t going to meet your friend without a shirt and showing off the marks I put there.

Yunho walked over the bed and leaned over me. “We’ve had sex almost constantly in the past two days, and suddenly you want me to wear a shirt? What’s up?”

I couldn’t look at him. “Marks…” I whisper. Then at his confused look, “…nails…”. I held up my hands for good measure, that’s when understanding hit him and he burst out in laughter.

“Well I was going to, but seeing how it makes you blush, nope. Besides it will make Heechul all the more uncomfortable and even more jealous.” He kissed my forehead and moved away, leaving a t-shirt and some sweats next to me. “There are some clothes for you to borrow, come out whenever you’re ready. But be warned, if you don’t come out in a reasonable amount of time Heechul will come looking.”

With that he walked out in just a pair of loose shorts amid another round of the doorbell ringing and the pounding on the door. Hearing the door open and Heechul’s loud voice echoing, I wasted no time rushing to put on the clothes. The pain in my back proved to be a problem when I tried to put on the sweats. But it was forgotten when I realized that Yunho hadn’t left me any underwear.

Come to think of it, I don’t remember seeing Yunho put on any before he left… Nope not thinking about that.

“Put on a fucking shirt you ass,” Heechul’s voice rang, followed by Yunho’s booming laugh and a girly one. Boa. Smiling to myself, I moved quickly, or quicker. Even though she got me drunk on purpose, she still helped me and I want to thank her.

Moving out of the bedroom, I headed towards the kitchen where all the voices were coming from. Might as well get meeting Heechul crossed off my list while I’m still on cloud 9.

“So where is your little boy toy Yundol? I want to meet the man who got you out of your funk, not to mention put all those scratches on you.” Heechul commented, I winced a little at the boy toy remark, but shrugged it off.

“Probably lying in bed,” Boa reported, I could hear the smile in her voice. “All the built up sexual frustration must have been hard on him. I mean, having to deal with not only his but also Yunho’s. Poor boy must be exhausted.”

“Can we not talk about my sex life, please? And that ‘poor boy’ has a name, Changmin.” Yunho sounded annoyed. I thought about leaving the protected doorway and walking over to him. But decided against that at Heechul’s next words.

“When was the last time you had sex? If you had that much built up that poor Min can’t walk, it was probably a while, maybe even the Bitch’s time.” Heechul’s concern sounded sarcastic.

“If you hadn’t banged on the door, I would be having sex right now.” Cue the blushing, but to me Yunho sounded more than just annoyed. He sounded pissed and I didn’t have a clue as to why.

Apparently Heechul thought so too. “Wow you’re angry…Does that mean I was right? You haven’t had any since the Queen Bitch?”

“Heechul that’s a little…” Boa’s voice came through, sounding cautious.

“Yunho, dear, are you feeling alright?” There was movement. I could only guess that Heechul moved over to my currently beyond pissed off boyfriend and tried to take his temperature.

“I’m fine Hyung, and I would like to mention that what you two did at the party the other day was extremely rude. How the hell could you get a minor that drunk?”

“You should be thanking us!” Heechul obviously hadn’t realized that Yunho was only about two seconds from punching someone. “If Jaejoong was the last person you had sex with, you seriously needed something innocent and clean to get that stench away from you.”

“Heechul!” Boa sounded furious enough that I'm not going to think about Heechul's last statement.

“Look Hyung, I know how much you hate Jaejoong but don’t talk about Changmin like that. I want this relationship, or whatever this is, to last. I don’t need you making comments like that about him.” He wants this to last? Time to interrupt, I don’t think I would be able to listen to another thing like that without getting my hopes up.

“Who's Jaejoong?” That was not what I wanted to say to tell them that I was now in the kitchen. And judging by the looks on their faces it was the wrong thing to say.

Boa recovered first and headed over to me. “He’s no one important.” She then wrapped me in a large hug and whispered into my ear, “Judging by the hickeys you have and the marks you gave Yunho, I take it you had fun.”

After I returned the hug, I smiled down at her in thanks.

“Changmin that is not how you react to the person who got you drunk.” Yunho’s voice gave me little warning before he pulled me over to him. Sitting on the barstool, he maneuvered me to straddle his thigh as it put the least amount of pressure on my butt. “You're supposed to yell at her and demand an apology. Not thank her.”

Leaning back to look at him, “I thought we went over this. Without her I would have never known I could dance.” Yunho grinned down at me, a playful glint in his eyes.

“Are you seriously going to lie to him?” Heechul decided to ruin the moment, glaring furiously at Yunho.

My boyfriend, however, paid no attention to his friend. Instead he began playing with my hair, brushing it with his fingers. Only once he rid it of all the tangles did he reply to Heechul. “I’m not going to lie to him, but right now I don’t want to talk about Jaejoong.”

“And what happens when your psychotic ex decides to pay your little boy a visit and he has no clue who the hell the man yelling at him is.” That brought to mind an image of that pretty man.

Please mouth don’t betray me now. “Is that the man who was screaming at you back in April?” God damnit.

All three pairs of eyes turned to look at me with shock. I could feel my cheeks burn red. “What? It’s not like he was quiet. I could hear him a block away. My sisters were taking bets on which word he said more. ‘Fucking’ or ‘asshole’.” That had been the only amusing thing about that day.

Yunho still looked shell-shocked. Heechul was looking at me like he didn’t really see me, and Boa looked five seconds away from bursting out in laughter. “What about you?” she asked.

“I chose ‘bastard’, and lost by a landslide.”

Surprisingly Boa wasn’t the first one to laugh. Yunho beat her to it. His arms wrapped tight around me to keep his balance as he roared with laughter. “Who won?” He managed to get out between his laughs.

“They weren’t sure. One sister swore she won, but the other claimed that since the word was ‘fucking’ there shouldn’t be any derivations of it. So ‘fuck’ or ‘fucked’ didn’t count. There was also one word that they couldn’t decide how to count it. ‘Ass-fucking-hole’. None of us were sure if he meant it as a sentence or as a single word.”

The rest of the conversation veered into different variations of Jaejoong’s explicatives and how creative they could get. Then it derailed into a literary analysis of the word ‘fucking’. I drowned it out as I thought about this man.

The pretty man had a name now, Jaejoong. Yunho’s friends, or at least Heechul, hadn’t liked him and were glad to see him go. But Yunho didn’t want me to know about his ex, and judging by the looks Boa kept shooting me, she didn’t either.

Why? Why didn’t they want me to know? Or is it normal for friends not to talk about ex's in front of the current boyfriend. Damn it, this is why I need Kyuhyun.

After a few minutes listening to the three friends talk, I decided I had been social enough. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

Yunho looked at me concerned, but Heechul spoke up before he could. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been talking to us still reeking of sex? That was far more than I needed to know.”

“You were the one that drew that conclusion!” Boa snapped back at him, letting me slip away.

But only a few steps into the hallway, Yunho stopped me. “Are you sure you’ll be alright?” His eyes worried.

“I’ll be fine. Who knows maybe I’ll get sick of standing and turn it into a bath.” I smiled at him, giving him a peck on the cheek. “Go have fun with your friends.” So you can talk about the things you were censoring while I was there. Go talk with your friends about me, since I’m sure Heechul is dying to find out more, go and forget me. Go and let me cry in the shower alone.

A part of me wanted Yunho to say that it was alright, his friends wouldn’t mind hanging out tomorrow. That this weekend was for them. The other part of me knew that Yunho had blown off his friends for long enough, and he should hang out with them. But I still wanted him to say that he wanted to be with me.

It didn’t matter any way. Yunho merely nodded and headed back to the kitchen, leaving me alone.

The next few weeks passed in a blur of movies, sex, takeout food, more sex, and games. I blinked and my parents were already home from their trip. Another blink brought both my sisters back. When I looked up, I would be leaving in a matter of days.

After that afternoon with Yunho's friends, we never brought up the topic of Jaejoong again or any of Yunho's previous relationships. As a matter of fact, we didn't talk about much at all. Sex prevailed over the first weeks of August. I can't even remember the last time Yunho and I sat down and actually had a serious conversation. Or what passed for one in our strange relationship.

Most of the time, it's 'What do you want to eat?' or 'Is this movie ok?', then everything else would be forgotten as we tried to see who could lose all their clothes first. Now I'm not blaming Yunho for this not at all. I'm start it most of the time but…he just lets me.

He dreads talking about the past and the future just, if not more, than I do. So when I finally get up the courage to talk about what's going to happen at the end of August, Yunho's pinning me to the couch or bed or table, where ever we are at the time. His mouth on mine, with his hand working its way up under my shirt.

Which is where we are right now. Of course, I'm not complaining. I love how Yunho can make me feel, beautiful and loved. It's hard to give up. Unfortunately I need to talk with him. In five days I'll be moving across the country to go to university, and I can't go leaving things like this between us. I can't deal with a call from him saying he's found someone new, someone prettier than me, someone who's better than me. I just can't.

"Yunho," He's busy making yet another hickey on my neck, his hands working their way down my pants. "Yunho, stop. We need to talk." He makes a noise of complaint, shaking his head against me neck. I can feel his teeth scrape along a vein pulsing with my heartbeat, a small punishment for distracting him. Steeling myself, I placing both my hands against Yunho's chest and shove. "Stop."

He looked stunned for a few seconds before he pouted over at me. "Minnie-ah, we only have a few days before you leave." So instead of talking to me, you just want to fuck me? Joy. Again can't complain as that's all I've wanted to do these past few weeks.

"Exactly, there are only a few days before I move across the country." Emphasis on across the country.

Yunho grabbed my hands off his chest and placed them on the table, caging me again. He leaned in close, his lips barely touching mine. "Exactly, so we need to spend this time wisely."

When he moved to kiss me, I scouted back. "Yunho, focus. I'm going across the country, while you are staying here." Why is this harder than its supposed to be?

Hearing a sigh, I noticed Yunho left his position in front of me. He motioned me to move over and create room for him on the table. Once done, he sat next to me, his arm flung out around my shoulders pulling me into his embrace. "Look, I know it's going to be hard with us so far away from each other, but I think we can do it. There's Skype, IM, texting, you can call me any time, even if I'm in class." His hand moved up so it rested on my head, his fingers running through my hair, comforting me.

"What if…" I couldn't even hear my own voice. Clearing my throat, I tried again. "What if I don't want that?" Yunho froze beside me, his hand paused mid-stroke through my hair.

"Changmin," he sounded scared to my ears. "Wha--What don't you want?"

I don't want to wake up to a text saying you had sex with someone else. I don't want to be calling you only for to never pick up, then the one time you do is to say good bye. I don't want to tell people I have a boyfriend when there's no way of knowing if you're doing the same. I don't want to wonder every day if you found someone better than me and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want you to break my heart. But the only way to ensure that, is if I break your's first.

"I don't want a long distance relationship."

"Min-ah, are you breaking up with me?" He knew it was coming, I can hear it in his voice. I wonder how many times he's heard something like this. How many times his hearts been broken. Is he thinking about all those times right now? How many of those people does he still love?

"I--I think so." I don't want to. "I'm leaving and no matter how much I want you to come with me, you're life is right here. So yea, I'm breaking up with you."

In a flash Yunho stood in front of me, his eyes blazing in anger and pain. "I know that long distance relationships are hard and hurt, but you can't just give up without even trying!"

"Trying?!" I stand so I'm nose to nose with my soon to be ex-boyfriend. _Don't cry_. "Do you know how many long distance relationships actually work? Almost none. Those that do are only because of a great fucking deal of trust. Something built out of more than just a two month relationship. Do you really think we would be able to?!"

"So instead you're just giving up before we even fucking try?!"

"What I'm doing is saying ourselves a great deal of pain and trying to end as friends! Is that so fucking wrong for me to do?!" _I'm sorry Yunho, I'm so sorry._

"No, what you're doing is giving up. You're giving up on me, on us, but worst of all you're giving up on yourself. I thought you were stronger than that Changmin, I really did." Yunho gave me one last look before marching out of my house. _I'm sorry._

The door slammed and I sank to the floor, sobbing.

_I'm sorry Yunho._

I didn't want this. I don't want this. I never wanted this.

All I ever wanted was Yunho, and now he's gone just like I wanted. 

But I want him back. I don't want him to leave.

_I'm sorry._

 

The next five days alternated between packing and crying. I kept telling myself that I wanted this. I wanted to break Yunho's heart before he broke mine. Never mind that he did nothing to warrant that. Yet in doing that, I ended up breaking my own. How does that even work?

My dad helped me put everything in the back of his car. Anything that isn't important or that I'll need immediately, has been shipped and will arrive a few days after I get there. It’s a strange combination of a sober and a joyous affair. On one hand I'm off to college, on the other I won't see my family for months.

Feeling someone watching me, I look up and meet Yunho's eyes. He's leaning against his garage, his eyes show just as much red as mine do. I haven't even seen him over the past few days, not trusting myself to open my window or even leave my house without my parents.

Once the last box was loaded, my dad headed back in to help my mom pack all the food she had made for the trip and as bribes for the rest of my dorm room floor. I stayed outside, and sure enough Yunho headed over the moment my dad was inside.

Swallowing my tears and putting on a smile, I turned to him. "I'm glad you’re here. I didn't want this to end with us mad at each other."

His hand reached up and traced where my tears had fallen, telling me he knew I was lying. "I don't want us to end."

"Yunho…" I crossed my arms around myself, turning my face away from his warm hand.

His hand caught my chin and turned my head till our eyes meet. "No listen. I know that we've only been together for two months, three if you count the time were we were dating but not 'dating' dating. And I get that for you, that's not enough time, but, you can call me a romantic fool, for me it was. Cause I'm one of those idiots that believe in love at first sight." _No, this can't happen. Why god is this happening?_ "I get that you might not believe you feel the same, but Min-ah, I see how you look at me. How every time we meet these last few weeks, you kiss me like you're desperate, like its good-bye but you don't want to forget. How much pain you were in when you were trying to break up with me. How much you want to cry right now. I get that you can't say those words yet, but I need to tell you before you leave. If I don't and this is the end, I'll never forgive myself." _Don't, please don't say it. How can I walk away if you say them? Do you not know how much more this will hurt if you say it then break up with me later?_

"Changmin, I'm in l--,"

My hands slammed against his mouth, stopping the words from coming out. "Don't say it. Please don't say it." Tears fell from my eyes and onto the pavement at our feet. "Don't say it if you can't hold to them. Please."

Yunho pulled my hands away from his mouth and pulled me into his arms, holding me tight. "Min," he whispered into my hair as I cried. So much for being strong in front of him.

"Don't please. I know that you believe it, but I can't. I just can't. It only hurts more."

"How can I get you to believe me? Tell me." Yunho's arms were shaking as he held on to me.

"Time." The answer left my mouth before I even thought of it. But it is true, only time would ever let me believe that Yunho is actually in love with me. Since right now it's only a summer crush full of lust and urgency. Nothing that would stand the test of time. Right? It's only a summer crush.

"I'll give you it. As much time as you need." 

Stepping out of his last embrace, I look anywhere but him. "I come home for winter break in December, can you wait until then?"

"Its only a few months Min, I can wait. I'll give you anything you want."

"There's one other thing…" I glance at him. "You won't like it."

Yunho started to reach out, but thought better about it. "I already told you anything Min. That includes things I might not like."

"Don't call me," at his shocked face, I continued. "Not the entire time, but for a little bit. I…I really need to think."

Yunho gave me pained smile, "Anything means everything. Have as much time as you need to think. I know that sometimes this can be overwhelming." He took a deep breath, like he was holding in tears. "Have fun at college Changmin. If you need anything, call me. I'll see you in December."

Later as I was in the car driving away, I wondered if I really would see him in December. If his unspoken words were true and he would wait for me. Most of all though I wondered if I would ever tell him how I felt.

 

 

 

 

 

I never did find out if those unspoken words were true. 

You see, in order to try and forget about what I was sure would be Yunho's rejection in December, I worked my ass off that first semester of college. So much so, that one of my professors took notice of me and offered me a chance to work with him over the break. As a student it's a great opportunity, as a freshman it was incredible.

My family decided to spend the holidays up by me to support me. As for Yunho, well…

He didn't react.

After the first round of midterms, I had broken down and called him, desperate to talk to someone who had been through this before and gotten through. Yunho, my Yunho. He calmed me down almost immediately, and even said that it was normal to have a breakdown. That it was okay. It was almost impossible not to tell him that I loved him at the end of that call.

When I call him and told him about the internship, he sounded truly happy for me. Not once did he mention our relationship. And with each correspondence after that, my heart broke a little more. The only thing going through my head was that he didn't love me. He had lied. 

Terrified to go home and face him, I decided to stay at college to 'study' for finals during spring break. I was hiding from him and everyone knew it. Yet he didn't complain, when he still didn't mention what would happen between us, I knew it was time to admit the truth.

Too scared to call him up, knowing my voice would break on the words, I texted him. A simple message. **_Remember summer? I think it would be better to remain friends_** _._  

The reply was even simpler and it tore my heart in two.

**_Alright._ **

Yunho never contacted me after that. 

I have no clue how I made it through finals. All I knew was that I couldn't go home, not knowing that Yunho lived next door. So I made another cowardly move, I looked around in the city for a job. When I couldn't find one, I applied for summer school.

Now it is the anniversary of our first time and I'm sitting at home for the first time in nearly a year. I spent the last week curled up in bed letting the tears flow. Kyuhyun, having known something was wrong with the last time I called him, took the next flight home from his own summer school and was sitting next to me acting as a silent comfort.

But I was done with crying. It wouldn't do anything besides begin the healing.

Soon I will be strong enough. My heart will be mended to the point where I can look Yunho in the eye and in a steady voice say, "Did you know that in the summer I was 18 and you were 21, I was in love with you?"

 

 


	4. Meeting Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yunho and Changmin meet seven years later.

"Changmin?" I knew that voice, it had deepened over the past seven-ish years but I still knew it. Taking a deep breath, I'm twenty-five I can do this. I turned around to see Yunho's hesitate face.

Forcing myself to smile, it really wasn't that hard. It was good to see him. "Yunho."

His face spilt in two, eyes lighting up. "I thought it was you but couldn't be sure." He moved forward, his arms beginning to outstretch as though asking for a hug, then thinking better about it. "It's been seven years? You aren't around here all that often."

Mentally weighing the advantages and disadvantages with hugging him, I decided it was something that was needed. Consequences be damned. I initiated the hug for the first time, Yunho stiffen a little at the start then warmed up and nearly crushed me. "I've been busy with school, and traveling here to there just didn't seem worth it for only a few days."

We pulled away though Yunho's hand remained on my upper arm. "Didn't you graduate a few years ago though?"

"It was four years ago for undergrad. I only recently finished up with my Ph.D." I didn't even bother hiding my pride. It was hard worked and well earned.

Yunho's eyes widened in the normal surprise, "Ph.D.? My, my someone is ambitious."

Raising my eyebrows, I stifle a laugh. "I'm ambitious? Coming from the man who got his law degree in record time, then became the youngest district attorney in the county, maybe even the country."

His hand hid a shy smile, with a blush gracing his cheeks. "Alright I'll give you that. But still, an undergrad in three years? Then straight off to graduate school. You must like being kept busy."

Yeah and it was all to keep my mind off you. I opened my mouth reply another, more socially acceptable answer when I heard my name being called. "That would be my mother. I apparently am in charge of the drinks table, ever since my trip to Italy she thinks I'm some sort of wine expert."

Laughter rang loud and clear in the small yard, and dear god help me I was just as much in love with it now as I was back when I was a teen. "Wouldn't want to disappoint her then. But how long are you going to be in town? It would be nice to catch up with each other."

He left it open, not promising anything, not expecting anything. Though he is probably expecting me to run at full speed in the other direction. However that would be teenage Changmin, the older Changmin would greatly like to catch up. "That sounds really nice. I haven't really talked to anyone from around here that isn't my mother or Kyuhyun. Are you free next weekend, or sometime during the week? I won't start working until September."

"Friday around noon work for you? I can treat you to lunch." I'm going to pretend the light in his eyes isn't there.

"Sweet free food, it’s a deal." And just like that it was as if those past seven years never happened.

Friday came way too soon and couldn't be there any faster in my book. I wanted to talk with Yunho, really sit down and talk with him. But at the same time, I had no urging desire to talk to him about everything that's happened in the time we've been apart. I don't want to hear his side just as I don't want him to hear mine.

Yunho first suggested picking me up at my house. Yet as that screamed more of high school date than anything else, I suggested that it would be easier for me to just walk over, as I would be downtown anyway. The place Yunho choose can't be described as anything but quaint. It was a little place, that seated no more than twenty people and from every seat you could see the kitchen.

The name didn't help to what the place's specialty was, but the menu did pose a larger clue. "Burmese food?"

Yunho gave me smile, "Have you ever had it?" At my head shaking, his smile grew. "Good, then I get to introduce you to some more food you'll love." Just like he used to when we dated.

"What do you suggest?" I ask, putting down the menu and leaning over the table to peer at his.

"Well it’s family style, so whatever you're having I get too and vice versa. But we are getting the coconut rice. There is no if's about it. But I would suggest a type of curry, they're good with that." If he took any notice at my attempts to flirt he didn't do anything about it, so I shrugged and settled back down into my seat.

After ordering, there was an awkward pause in the conversation and I really didn't know how to talk to this Yunho. I wonder if he sensed my discomfort as he broke the silence. "You mentioned something about Italy?"

I relaxed immediately at the mention of Italy, something that will most likely happen for the next few years or so. "Last summer, I went on a trip with my then boyfriend. It was his way of telling me to lighten up a little. School had been so stressful and I hadn't even taken one break since starting undergrad, so he surprised me with the trip. It was one of his better ideas."

"Then boyfriend?" Okay maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that part.

"Yea, we broke up around the same time I received my Ph.D. after being together for nearly two years." Talking about the breakup did nothing to dampen my smile.

"I'm sorry, it was recent then?"

"Three months ago," then noticing his pained face I quickly continued. "But it was mutual, Julian and I just realized that we started behaving more like friends than boyfriends. It also helped that he was moving to France."

I watched Yunho blink rapidly. "That's one way to break up, moving half way across the globe." That sounded much to like the reason we had broken up.

"He wanted me to go with him." I shrugged, "That's how the whole conversation started out, a chance to move to Europe. Sadly it ended with a break up."

Yunho leaned over the table, "Any other boyfriends I should know about? How did you meet? Do you have one now?"

"Nope," I comment grinning. "I only had one other relationship than Julian, who was a basketball coach at my graduate school. My other…boyfriend, I guess you could classify him as that, I met my sophomore year of college. He was a music professor there."

"Changmin!" I could hear the scolding getting ready.

"I know, I know. It was stupid and I deserved to get my heart broken. Kyuhyun has already yelled at me enough, thank you very much."

"Sorry, that came out wrong."

"No, it came out exactly the way it should. Trust me, I knew I was playing with fire, it was exactly the reason why I didn't tell anyone about it for a while." I hadn't even told Kyuhyun about Dongwook until it was nearly over. He had skipped out on his own classes for a week to comfort me.

"Please at least tell me he wasn't your teacher," Yunho's eyes were shut tight. I'm guessing the lawyer in him was thinking of all the possible lawsuits that could have come with it.

"Again, no. He was one of my friend's. I went with them to his office hours, and he spent them flirting with me. I am well aware it was stupid but I flirted back." A snort left my mouth thinking about that hellish relationship. "We only dated for seven months, and the entire time was a constant cycle of breaking up and getting back together."

His eyes opened and he looked at me with a pleading expression. "Why, why did you keep going back to him? And don't give me the 'stupid' excuse, you're a lot smarter than that. Give me the real reason."

Shrugging, I looked around the restaurant quietly praying that our food would appear soon. A cough brought me attention back to Yunho, who was sitting with his chin resting on his clasped hands. "I don't know," at his pointed glare I gave an exasperated sigh. I shouldn't have mentioned anything, just left it at Julian. "I guess I was in love with the idea of love. When Dongwook wanted my attention he would go to great lengths to get it. One time I came home to find that he had decorated my apartment in roses as an apology. I was…charmed and flattered that he was pursuing me at that length. Now I wish I could go back and slap myself for being so…"

"Young? Innocent?" Yunho provided, a knowing look on his features. "You can't blame yourself for any of that. That guy was playing you and I'm glad you finally saw it and got out of it."

"Kyuhyun helped." I muttered.

A short bark of laughter, "Thank God for Kyuhyun." It drew the desired giggle out me that Yunho was going for. It also gave a good break to the food being brought out. There were a few moments of quibbling at the proportions and who gets what. There might have been a few moans on my part, Yunho always excelled at getting me things I would love.

After a few bites, I decided it was know Yunho's turn for the investigation. "So what about you? Any boyfriends or girlfriends?"

Swallowing, "None that are worth note." Ouch, I feel sorry for who ever it was that Yunho dated.

"Come on there must be someone that's worth mentioning." Please, let there be one. Please do not tell me that you pinned after me all those years.

Yunho placed his chopsticks down on the plate and sighed. "Really, none of them even lasted that long. Most were over before we even came close to 100 days. The only one that lasted longer then that was a girl who my parents wanted me to marry."

"That sounds serious," Maybe retribution could have been achieved in other departments, this doesn't seem like a topic either of us wants.

"It was an arranged meeting, both our parents work together and thought it would be a good idea as neither of us had any success in the relationship department." Yunho shook his head, "It was an utter disaster. We barely speak now."

"Was it anyone I know?"

"Remember Boa?" He asked with a pained grimace.

"Boa?!" I very nearly jumped out of my chair. "There was no way you two would have worked. You're far too similar, both in personality and mentality. That was just a disaster waiting to happen, what the fuck were your parents thinking?!"

"They weren't," Yunho said curtly. "Then again neither were Boa or I, as we both agreed to it. It was, using your own words, stupid to think that it would work. I used to be able to talk to her about anything, now if we see the other we can barely manage a 'hello'."

Reaching out, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it in a show of comfort. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." With that we both turned back to our meal, the air noticeably colder than when we had started. I wish I had never even brought up the topic of old relationships. I should never have mentioned Julian or Dongwook.

The check came soon and was sent off just as quickly. When we left the restaurant Yunho grabbed my arm before I could get very far. "I just made a mess of lunch, do you think I could get you a cup of coffee or something to apologize?"

I wanted to say yes, but at the same time what if it went the way lunch did? Should I?

You know what, everything I do with Yunho, or don't do, has to do with a damn 'should'. And every fucking time I don't do it, I always regret it, so I am going to say yes and pray for the best.

"Coffee," I say it like I'd been debated what I wanted rather than if I wanted to go or not. By the look on Yunho's face he's not fooled. "Coffee sounds good."

He took to another small place that was on a side street of a side street. Opening the door, he smiled warily at me, “This place has some of the best coffee in the neighborhood.”

“Just some of the best, not the best?” I smirk back at him. “Jung Yunho you have lost your touch. Should I be insulted that you aren’t taking me to _the_ best place.”

“Brat,” he calls affectionately, I’m sure. “This is the best place within walking distance of the restaurant.”

“Hmph,” it’s hard to keep a straight face when all I want to do is laugh. “Fine, I guess I’ll just have to settle.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Yunho roll his. “Yes your highness. Now go find us a place to sit while I order your Americano and something for me. Want anything to eat?”

“We just came from lunch.” I remind him.

He raised an eyebrow at me, “Your point?”

Why did I ever leave this man? Glancing up at the pastries, “Get me a Danish, whichever flavor they have that looks good.”

Yunho gave me a mock bow before stepping in line. I stood there for another moment, just thinking about him in general before making my way to a table in the back of the small café. Sitting down so I would have a good view of the line, and consequently of Yunho, I mulled over the day so far.

It’s almost like we never left each other, like I never left all those years ago. Even with all the awkwardness of lunch, this ‘date’ still rates pretty high on my scale. None of my dates with Dongwook ever went well and with Julian they were either hit or miss. Some would be amazing that left me with a giddy feeling for days afterwards, or they would end with us not talking to each other for days. There was no in between with us.

Glancing back up at Yunho, I noticed that he’d moved to end of the bar, casually leaning on the counter while chatting with the barista. His suit jacket was draped over one arm, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. The lines of his suit fit him to perfection, showcasing his body to the café dwellers. And I was more than enjoying the show.

My eyes trailed down his torso, my mind taking me back to a time where, for a few months, that body had been mine. I can still feel his hands roaming my body even after all these years. We'd only been together for three months, intimate for less than a month, yet it was his touch I remembered in the dead of night. In those few months, he learned and knew my body better even than Julian, and I’d dated him for two years.

The sound of a plate clattering against the table brought me out of my daydream. Looking up I saw Yunho gazing down at me with fond expression. “What were you thinking about so hard?”

Taking my Americano, I smiled up at him. “The past.”

He sat down, an eyebrow raised as a silent question. “More specifically, that during the short time we were together, you knew me better than anyone.” A short laugh escaped me. “Hell you still know me better than anyone, and we haven’t seen each other for seven years.”

Yunho moved slowly, tearing the pastry in half, before looking at me with serious eyes. “Do you regret it?”

I could pretend that I don’t know what he’s talking about, distract him from it and go home without ever learning the truth. My heart in my mouth, “Do you?” Do you regret letting me go, do you regret like I do?

A humorless laugh left his beautiful mouth, his gaze left mine to stare down at the table. “I don’t regret our relationship, if that’s what you’re asking. I regret how it ended.”

“To be fair, I also agree that the text message was just a tad harsh and more than a little cowardly. But then I was a coward so it kinda fits.”

A real laugh boomed out of Yunho and his kind eyes were back. “No, I meant that I regret letting that be the end. When I first got your text, I was ready to drive up to your campus and talk to you in person. Whether it would have ended in another chance or us breaking up for good, I didn’t know or care. But after I got into my car, I couldn’t start it. My key was in the ignition but I just couldn’t turn it. So we were both cowards, you for sending the text and me for letting it go just like that.”

I smiled back at him, mind reeling through possible what if’s. Thinking about how much my life would have changed if he had come to my college dorm seven years ago. “I can tell you now, that if you’d shown up randomly at my dorm, the then me would have been ecstatic. Back then all I wanted was for you to tell me that you didn’t want to break up. But now…now I’m glad that you didn’t show up. I may have gone through tough times, yet I know that I wouldn’t have pushed through if you had been with me. I know that I wouldn’t have grown up. I wouldn’t have the confidence that I do now because I would have been hiding behind you. You would have protected me from the world if you could, but I needed to experience it to grow up.”

Yunho looked at me with a proud but heartbreaking smile. Taking courage in that pride, I continued. “For years I didn’t let myself regret my decision. Even during that mess with Dongwook, or when I would compare Julian with you, I refused to regret it. Then I come home and see you for the first time in seven years and all I can think is how stupid I was to break up with you.”

His face looked younger, like all the stress of these past years just melted away. “You weren’t stupid, just a teenager faced with his first serious relationship. It’s understandable.”

“I thought it would hurt less,” I told him my chin resting on my hand, eyes looking outside. “I thought that if I broke up you it would hurt less than when you broke up with me. Shows what I know.” I looked over at Yunho. A smile grew at seeing his confused and shocked face. “Stupid right?”

He shook his head. “I wouldn’t have done that to you Min.” My heart beat a little faster at hearing that old nickname. His hand moved to grab mine, but it brushed against his cup. I watched as it toppled over, the lip popping off, covering the table in liquid. Some dripped off onto my lap, covering my lap with the sticky concoction.

“Shit, sorry.” Yunho jumped up, grabbing some napkins and began whipping up the mess. He noticed me getting some napkins and dapping at my jeans, and his face scrunched up. “Sorry.”

“No worries,” I smile up at him. “At least it’s iced and not hot.”

“Still…” Yunho finished cleaning up the mess on the table then turned to me. “My apartment isn’t far. You can wash your jeans there and I can let you borrow some pants for your walk home.”

“It’s no trouble,” I mumble, playing the ever-polite person my mother raised me to be.

He held out his hand to help me up, “I insist.” And how could I say no. It didn’t even cross my mind to say it.

His apartment really wasn’t too far. We barely walked a block before entering the building. Once inside, he handed me some sweats to change into while my jeans were in the wash. It was a comfortable silence as Yunho moved around the washer getting the detergent and everything.

A silence I decided to break. “You know after we broke up, I made a promise to myself that when I had enough confidence I would tell you something.”

“Hmm,” He appeared completely immersed in working the machine, but I knew he was listening to me.

“That the summer I was 18, I was completely and hopelessly in love with you,” He paused in his movements, becoming still. “And I think I still am.”

Crossing the small room, I close the lid to the washer and press start. Yunho still hadn’t moved from his spot, but I can see a grin forming. “So,” I comment leaning against the machine facing Yunho. “How much longer are we going to pretend that you spilling the coffee was an accident?”

He threw his head back and laughed, full and happy. “Oh I don’t know,” Yunho said face full of joy. “Let’s say two seconds.”

I knew I pulled a face. “Two-” and his lips were on mine.

He pulled me off the washer and I went willingly into his arms, tilting my head just so, deepening the kiss. And dear God, it was even better than I remembered. I could feel Yunho’s hands moving down my body, before reaching the end of my shirt. He moved his hands under my shirt and the borrowed sweats so he could caress my bare skin.

Pulling away from the kiss, I breathed out, “Wait for a moment.”

“Why?” Yunho’s lips never left my skin, so his reply vibrated against my neck.

“Because we can’t just continue where we left off Yunho.” But even as I spoke those words, I stepped closer to him, moving my head so he could continue following my neck with his mouth.

“Why?” he said again, though this one was muffled, as he was busy making a hickey at the base of my neck. Against my wishes, my body relaxed in his arms and I let him continue.

“We haven’t seen each other for years. Neither of us are the same as we were when we were together. We should start over and be responsible adu-Hey!” the bastard moved his hand down under the sweats fabric and grabbed my bare ass.

Yunho brought my hand to his mouth, kissing my wrist at the vein, staring at me with hot eyes. “Do you really think we can hold off on sex for a month or so?”

Short answer: nope. But for some reason this reminds me of having sex on the first date. Sure we’ve have sex before, a lot of it, yet we haven’t in years. And…

Yunho looked at me with the same heated gaze, the same wicked smirk that used to always work on me all those years ago. He pulled on my wrist, which he still hadn’t let go, dragging me closer until our bodies were flush against each other.

“Fuck it, we can start over tomorrow.”

His smirk became into a full-grown grin, and I knew he’d been playing me. But those thoughts left my mind when he turned me around pushed me against the wall before I pulled him down into another dirty kiss.

*Some time later*

“You know what,” I comment lying in Yunho’s large bed, naked under the sheets. He was just as naked, his head propped up with one of his hands, and the other was placed possessively on my hip. “Since tomorrow is Saturday and thus the weekend, we should wait until the weekend is over before starting over. After all, the week begins on Monday and it’s only right to start at the beginning of the week.”

I could still hear Yunho’s laugh echoing through the apartment when we met for a kiss.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from aff


End file.
